I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!
Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.
I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.
I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.
You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links (I did this search again in 2018 and the number of posts is over 40 million!) My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that brings my loss to mind.
If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.
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