Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 9, 2026

Arno's Bike Shop (Day 2, Part 2 of 3)

After securing our bikes, we decided to head out and explore Brugge for a bit.  Less than half a mile from our hotel we saw a sign for Arno's bike shop.  "Let's check it out!"
 

Arno's was more than a bike rental shop.  It was a little place for cyclists to gather, drink coffee, chat and browse through a variety of cycling memorabilia.  


I found this cute sign and had to send a picture to my sister who has been chronically late for the majority of her life!
 

When I asked the young man who was working there if he was Arno, the sadness in his face told a different story.  Lando was the young man's name and Arno was his older brother.  Arno died last year at the young age of 29.  My heart quickly went out to Lando as I recalled my own loss of Rod when he was just 31.
 

Lando showed us around and explained that they just wanted a place to enjoy talking about bikes and encourage others to ride.  Everything was for sale and the plan is to always have a fresh inventory.  We ended up spending about two hours in the shop, learning about the cycling culture in Belgium and getting tips for our own riding adventures.
 

We didn't learn the details of Arno's passing, but the wound was still raw for this family.  On the wall was a poem written by Arno and Lando's father:   
 


I thought this was so beautiful I wanted to put the full text here:

Arno's journey

Along the roads where the morning dew trembles on the grass,
a silent cyclist moves along with dust on his shoes;
his hands open to the oncoming wind.
Arno, who found the evening far too early.
wakes above him-invisible yet so close.
His breath silent as his voice fills the space between the leaves. 
He knows the curves of the road, the potholes in the asphalt.
And then the rain falls suddenly, like a memory. 
He was a traveler once, seeking distant places, 
chasing the stars he felt in his breast.
But now Arno is a whisper in the reeds,
the shade that cools when the sun too fiercely burns the flesh.
Your back feels his hand pushing oh so gently when your soul loses courage, 
and your tired legs crave relief.
Sometimes, when the sun sets and the sky turns to copper, 
and the whole world holds its breath for a moment, 
the cyclist feels the hand that is no hand yet feels very real;
a presence like a memory, warm and comforting.
He does not know why his heart feels lighter, 
why the road is suddenly less lonely. 
Somewhere above the endless whirring of the tyres
and the rhythm of his breathing, Arno is watching.
He died too soon and is gone to somewhere over the horizon, 
traveling beyond the sky to the place where the road and light are one.

Translation by Frans Mantel
Editing by Sophie Shearer 
 
Our time spent at Arno's was an unexpected pause.  In a world that is often just too busy, I hope our kindness to Lando will be remembered.

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Repost: Crying Over Jingle Bell Rock

I originally wrote this post in 2009, the second year of my blog's existence.  I thought I had re-posted it a bunch of times, but I've only re-posted it twice.  So here it is again...


I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!

Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.

I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.

I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.

You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links (this morning in 2022 that number is over 16 million!) My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that bring my loss to mind.

If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.

Thursday, November 12, 2020

30 Days of Thanks, Day 12: Sad

I struggled with this post.  What could I write that says, "I'm thankful for the times I've been sad."  We would be selfish, entitled individuals if we never experienced sadness.  We wouldn't have empathy for others as they walk through dark times if we hadn't walk through them ourselves.  I found these beautiful quotes that express my thoughts.  They all seem to agree that without sadness, there is no happiness.
 


 
This one really described it best.

 
And finally...


 

Friday, July 31, 2020

Flashback Friday ~ Press On

I went for a run this morning and I heard an old song.  "Press On" by Billy Sprague has a great beat and the words are so encouraging.  I wrote this post just a few weeks after my Dad passed away.   While I'm not grieving like I was then, this song is still an encouragement to me.  2020 has been a year like no other in my lifetime, but we still need to press on.  Tie your shoes, my dear friend, and press on!

My heart has been very heavy the past couple of days. I'm not a stranger to loss or grief, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt.  I think the initial shock of losing Dad is wearing off, along with the pain of his final days, and the reality of my loss is sinking in.

I headed out for a run this morning carrying that heaviness.  I turned on my iPod and tried to outrun it.  About 3 1/2 miles in, I heard this song:
I was down in the valley
Of the shadow of death
Where the passion for life
Drained like blood from my chest
And it took more than my will just to
Take a step
When the compass of hope
Was gone

In a silence so black
That I wished for the blues
Every desperate prayer
Seemed like Heaven refused
And some days I found faith meant just
Tyin' my shoes
And it was all I could do
To press on

Press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
Through the darkness 'til dawn...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on, come on

On the ocean so lonesome I was not left alone
Had some heavenly friends
When my heart was a stone
And they carried the heartache and
Made it their own
When the currents of sorrow were strong

And one said
"I pray your memories will not drag you down
Not be anchors but treasures
Of the love that you've found"
And His kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow
And a wind in my sails
To press on

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on

Though the days seem like years...
There may be giants in our fears...
Ah, but they who sow in tears
They shall reap in joy
They shall run and leap for joy!

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery...
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on!
~"Press On" by Billy Sprague

I was thankful that it was still a bit dark out as the tears poured down my face.  I listened to the song a second time with more tears streaming.  I know I'm not alone is this journey.  Dear friends are walking this road as well, others are facing sorrow of a different kind.  All I know to do is tie my shoes and press on.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Repost: Crying Over Jingle Bell Rock

I have reposted this before, but Jingle Bell Rock will always hold a special place in my heart...


I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!

Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.

I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.

I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.

You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links (I did this search again in 2018 and the number of posts is over 40 million!) My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that brings my loss to mind.

If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Tammy Batson

 

It was with great sadness that we received word that our friend, Tammy Batson, passed from this life on Thursday. She celebrated her 44th birthday on Sunday and leaves behind her husband, Nathan, and 12 year old daughter, Leanna. We don't weep from Tammy, all her tears have now been wiped away.  But we weep for the family that is left behind.  My heart breaks for her daughter, losing her mother just before she enters her teenage years.


I didn't know Tammy well, we first met in 2009 and immediately felt like friends.  She was one of the friendliest and sweetest ladies I've ever met.  Tammy, Leanna, and Tammy's mom, Anne, came to California for a visit in April 2010.  We were able to meet them for breakfast and enjoyed our time together. Les has known Tammy most of her life.  Her dad, Bro. Ernie Johnson, was Les' third grade Sunday school teacher.


Her husband is the pastor of New Life Church of Nashville.  I know this loss leaves a big hole in many hearts and lives.  Please help us pray for her family, friends, and church family.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Press On

My heart has been very heavy the past couple of days. I'm not a stranger to loss or grief, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt.  I think the initial shock of losing Dad is wearing off, along with the pain of his final days, and the reality of my loss is sinking in.

I headed out for a run this morning carrying that heaviness.  I turned on my iPod and tried to outrun it.  About 3 1/2 miles in, I heard this song:
I was down in the valley
Of the shadow of death
Where the passion for life
Drained like blood from my chest
And it took more than my will just to
Take a step
When the compass of hope
Was gone

In a silence so black
That I wished for the blues
Every desperate prayer
Seemed like Heaven refused
And some days I found faith meant just
Tyin' my shoes
And it was all I could do
To press on

Press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
Through the darkness 'til dawn...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on, come on

On the ocean so lonesome I was not left alone
Had some heavenly friends
When my heart was a stone
And they carried the heartache and
Made it their own
When the currents of sorrow were strong

And one said
"I pray your memories will not drag you down
Not be anchors but treasures
Of the love that you've found"
And His kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow
And a wind in my sails
To press on

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on

Though the days seem like years...
There may be giants in our fears...
Ah, but they who sow in tears
They shall reap in joy
They shall run and leap for joy!

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery...
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on!
~"Press On" by Billy Sprague

I was thankful that it was still a bit dark out as the tears poured down my face.  I listened to the song a second time with more tears streaming.  I know I'm not alone is this journey.  Dear friends are walking this road as well, others are facing sorrow of a different kind.  All I know to do is tie my shoes and press on.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Blessed Be Your Name

We were back at New Life Pentecostal last night. We were saddened to learn that while we were gone, Pastor McGriffin was going through the same valley I was. His father passed away on March 8th. They were already on the mainland and had spent some time with him, but their stay was extended. This was the first time he had been in church in two weeks and he was ready. As service started, Les said "When you think you're alone in the valley, someone else is walking alone in the valley, too."

As service started, I put my heart into the singing and praise.  I needed church!  It was either the third or fourth song when we started singing "Blessed Be Your Name."  This song ministered to me so much!
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
I've walked through the wilderness lately, but I can still say "blessed be Your name!"
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
The name of the Lord is truly glorious! I began giving Him the praise He is so worthy of and my heart got lighter!
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
My road has been marked with pain recently, but His name is stilled blessed.
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

As we sang that final part, I knew that it was my choice.  Job said, "the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."  Everything Job had was gone, but he chose to say "blessed be the name of the Lord."  I did the same.  I sang from the bottom of my heart, "Blessed be Your name!" with tears streaming down my face.  There truly is victory in praise! Weeping does endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning!

Pastor McGriffin preached "Keep Standing, Because Falling is Overrated."  It was an excellent message.  So much is said about restoration when we fall, but it really is better to keep standing.  Sure, you can get back up, but I know from experience that each time you fall there is pain to go along with it.  If you're up, stay there.  If you're down, get back up and start standing!

We came home and I had my best night's sleep in a couple weeks.  I know the pain of losing my Dad is far from over, I'll always miss him, but I received such a healing touch last night.  I know God is answering the many prayers that have been prayed for me by so many!  Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I Can't Think of A Title...


It's been a very rough few days. My heart has been battered. We buried my Dad yesterday.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye.  I wasn't ready for a lot of things that came my way in the past seven days.  I know I could not have survived without the prayers of some of the most wonderful people on the planet - God's family.

I went to bed hurting so much on Sunday night.  I got very little sleep and woke up heartsick.  Les held me and prayed for me just before we left for the cemetery.  Somewhere on the way, I started humming the old song, "Jesus, Hold My Hand."  I needed Him so much that morning.  And He did.  He reached down and held my hand as I walked to the graveside.

The many faces of dear ones greeted me.  Aunts and uncles, siblings, nieces, and a nephew.  And my "other" family - the family of God.  So many from Truth Tabernacle who knew Dad and Mom.  Many whom I have known my entire life.  Precious ones from Victory Tabernacle who drove hundreds of miles just to show their love and support.  Jesus held my hand through them.

It was a beautiful service.  Memories of a wonderful father.  Dad was so giving and loving.  His love for golf and model trains was only surpassed by his love for his family.  Without a doubt, we were first in his life.  I'll share a photo tribute tomorrow, but for tonight, I just ask that you continue to keep me and my family in prayer.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Crying Over "Jingle Bell Rock"

This seems to be the week for repeats. I posted this in December 2009 but I was thinking about friends who have lost loved ones this year and know that this time of the year will be difficult.  You are in my prayers today, dear ones.
 
I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!

Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.

I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.

I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.

You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links. My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that bring my loss to mind.

If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

October 10th ~ Emotion (VAD)

Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

Psalm 30:11 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;"

When I started working on this post, I had no idea that these two verses were in the same Psalm!


October 10, 1998.  We gathered in Mom's hospital room, listening to the doctor.  We had known for a few months that Mom was in the final stage of cancer.  That morning the doctor told her there was nothing more they could do to treat her.  He then asked what she wanted as far as life support.  Mom had an oxygen mask on, she slowly pulled it down and said one word, "Nothing."

My weeping began then.

A few hours later, Mom lifted her hands in worship, spoke in a heavenly language, peacefully put her hands back down, and stepped into eternity.

Her joy came immediately.   

My joy would take a little longer as I waded through every emotion that is associated with a loss of this magnitude.  I still miss her.  There are I times I just want to talk to her, she knew how to listen and encourage me when I was down.  I miss her hugs and her subtle humor.  I miss seeing her mix up something chocolate in the kitchen or send an "I Love You" sign my way.  I'm sad that she hasn't seen the many blessings that have come our way. Our family misses her when we gather, graduations, birthdays, weddings, holidays, they aren't the same without here.  But the joy of knowing she made it turns my mourning to dancing!

My Joy

Verse
Oh Lord, You have turned my morning into dancing
Over and over and over again
Oh Lord, You have turned my sorrow into joy
Over and over and over again

Chorus
You have been my shield
The lifter of my head
You are my Joy
You are my Joy
And I will always worship
I will always worship You for You
You are my Joy
And I will always worship
I will always worship you
For You, You are my joy
You are my Joy

Bridge 1
You turned my morning
Into dancing over and over
Over and over and over again 

~ words and music by Trent Cory

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Book Review - My Emily


I've recently become acquainted with a website that lists free Kindle books on a daily basis.  The books they list are all Christian themed and usually free for only a day.  I've downloaded several that look interesting and I'm not worried if I like them or not since they are free.  If they don't strike my fancy, I won't feel the need to finish them.


My most recent find was "My Emily" - about Emily Patterson who was born with Down Syndrome. Written by her father, Matt, it is very touching.  When Emily was two years old, she was diagnosed with leukemia and the pain they experienced just broke my heart.  I was bawling while eating my lunch, so beware ~ you may want to read this in a private place!

Note: A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will help families with special needs children, those who are battling pediatric cancers, as well as parents grieving the loss of a little one. 

Monday, October 31, 2011

Must Read Post

There is an excellent post on Bro. Ballestero's blog today. "Some Things, You Never Get Over." If you've ever suffered a loss ~ you will be nodding your head in agreement. If you've ever struggled with what to say to someone in the midst of loss ~ his words of wisdom are right on.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Walk


I picked up a new book by Richard Paul Evans. The Walk "tells the poignant and inspirational tale of an advertising executive who loses everything, and decides to embark on an unforgettable journey that is as life-altering as it is life-affirming."

This is a very quick, but thought provoking, read. Anyone who has lost a dear one will relate to the many stages of grief dealt with in this book. I don't want to give too much away, but there is one quote I want to share:
"You know she's not really gone. She's still a part of you. What part of you is your choice. She can be a spring of gratitude and joy, or she can be a fountain of bitterness and pain. It is entirely up to you."
I think that pretty much sums up how we respond to any of life's trials. It has been said many times,"You can become bitter or you can become better." I want my life to be a spring of joy and gratitude.

Verse of the Day