Repost: Natural Temperament

While I was looking for my "Flip the Change" post, I stumbled on another post that I wrote that contained the word "flip."  The "flip" in this post is about music and vocal parts, but after reading it, I decided it need to be re-posted, too.

 

Some of the commentary about Martha and Mary has really had my mind working.  Matthew Henry pointed out the two different temperaments of the sisters, "and the temptations and advantages of each."  God created us with natural tendencies, but our fallen nature can cause trouble no matter what feels natural.  He went on to say, "it will be our wisdom carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  He didn't mention trying to improve anyone else's natural temper - that is an exercise in futility!  A Commentary on the Old and New Testaments by Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown said, "Both are needed, each to be the complement of the other."

Respect for the natural temperament of others is vitally important for any healthy relationship.  Sometimes those natural temperaments aren't easily apparent, but in time we learn.  Let me give you an example using singers:

A children's choir usually just sings unison.  There are no apparent sopranos, altos or tenors.  They have two ways to sing, soft or loud, which often means yelling!

 

At some point most of us move up to a youth choir and start realizing we can sing parts.  There will be some girls who can't reach the high parts any longer - they are naturally altos.  The young men go back and forth from lead to tenor as their voices change, and some never can sing tenor - they are naturally basses.  And then there are ladies like me who sing soprano.  I can sing alto, but it's very unnatural.  If I'm singing alto during service - the song is probably in a very high key, or I have a cold!

By the time we reach adult choir status, our natural parts are firmly in our minds.  A choir that sings three part harmony sounds very beautiful.  When all the parts join in unison, it sounds nice, and then the parts come back in a powerful way.  Sometimes the choir director will have the parts flip - everyone is singing a part that is unnatural, but it gives a new punch!  And we're all happy (and sometimes relieved) when we go back to our natural parts.

In all of this, if the sopranos started complaining that the altos and tenors needed to sing soprano, we would all think they were silly.  Altos need to sing alto!  Tenors need to sing tenor!  And sopranos need to own their soprano part!  A choir takes natural ability, blends it together, respects differences, and comes out with a beautiful sound.

So when it comes to our natural temperaments, we need to work on blending with others who are different from us.  All types are needed, to be the complement of the others.

I'll use myself as an example here.  My natural temperament is somewhat reserved and quiet.  (Yes, really!)  I need quiet time.  I enjoy spending time with friends and family, but there comes a point that I need quiet.  I've been misunderstood plenty through the years, and I've tried many times to suppress that need, but that has backfired at times.  My spirit needs quiet.  I've been running for years.  It was only when I started training for my first marathon that I started running with music and that was only on my weekly long run.  I can run for an hour or more with just my thoughts for company and come home refreshed.  Most of the time in our home we don't have a radio or stereo playing - we're content with quiet.

I also understand that not everyone is like me.  There are people who thrive on crowds.  They want to share everything about themselves and want to know everything about everyone else.  I enjoy those kinds of people, even though I know I am not like them.  I can be talkative and friendly, but after a while I just run out of words and my ears are tired!  I'm not in a bad mood or upset, I just need quiet.  (I do realize these are just two types of the many people on this planet!)

I know there I times I need to move beyond my personal preferences.  I make an effort to speak to guests in our church, even though it doesn't come naturally.  I'd be content to let others take that role, but I know this is important whether it's comfortable or not.  On the flip side, I have heard many times that a friend can talk to me and know that I am not going to repeat anything that has been said in confidence.  My quiet nature means I know when to keep quiet.

Our natural temperament is never an excuse to be unkind to others.  "That's just the way I am," does not excuse rudeness.  "I just say how I feel," is never acceptable when we have been demeaning, hurtful, or unkind.  As Matthew Henry said, we must "carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, the Apostle Paul gave us a beautiful illustration of being one body with many members.  Just remember this - God set the members as it pleased him.

For the body is not one member, but many.
If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
And if they were all one member, where were the body?
But now are they many members, yet but one body.
And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Guard Your Tongue (Mom's Bible Theme #2)

I had planned to write about prayer as the second theme from Mom's Bible.  I even started working on it this morning.  A trip to the grocery store changed direction for me...

For the first time since all this COVID-19 madness began, I got everything that was on my grocery list.  I commented about that to my checker.  She was a young lady and we chatted the entire time she was ringing up my purchases.  As I took my receipt from her, she said, "Thank you, I wish everyone was like you."  Her comment made me both happy and sad.

I've read numerous stories about workers being harassed by customers because of the situation we find ourselves in.  Grocery store workers have been targeted repeatedly, surely there is more toilet paper in the back of the store that is being hidden!  An ice cream shop opened for one day and the owner ended up closing it back up.  Customers were cruel and impatient, leaving his best employee in tears. 

I know I am not always kind.  My words have hurt others more than once.  I've also been hurt by words, more times than I want to remember.  Words are powerful.  Underlined in Mom's Bible is Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  She also underlined Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."  Next to that verse she wrote, "Be careful little mouth..."

As the youngest of four, it was not uncommon in our household for somebody to say something that made someone else mad or hurt their feelings.  When the episode escalated to the point of the hurt party running to Mom, her words to the offender were often: 

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

While I was looking through my blog for other thoughts on words, I found an old post entitled, "When to Listen and When to Tune Out."  I included a quote from Mom (not found in her Bible, but found in my memory) "Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see."

Ephesians 4:29-32 (also underlined in Mom's Bible) says:
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Here are some of the gems in Mom's Bible about words:

More people have been hurt by a careless tongue than by a sharp sword.

If I can't speak well of others then I need to remain silent.

When you speak, always remember that God is one of your hearers.

Speak and act in harmony with your prayers.

It is in the home we are treated the best and grumble the most.

Our words matter.  When we walk away from someone, what we have said sticks with them.  Will they said, "I wish everyone was like you," or "I hope I never have to talk to them again" ?

Repost: Suppose Ye?

My Bible reading this morning included John chapter 9, the story of a man born blind.  As I was reading it, I remembered blogging about it.  When I looked for the post, I found that I had re-posted the original about two years ago. 

My Bible reading yesterday included Luke chapter 13.  As I began this post, I decided to check my blog for anything similar and found a post from March 24, 2010 with this same title, I'm re-posting it with a few additions.

1 There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilaeans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.
2 And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galilaeans, because they suffered such things?
3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Suppose ye? Isn't that what we do so many times? We see someone going through a trial and suppose that it has been brought on because of some sin or other fault in their life. Job's friends were great supposers. Job called them "miserable comforters" as they spent many chapters accusing Job of sin, urging him to repent.

I wonder how often we SUPPOSE when we do not KNOW. Life is full of so many ups and downs. We don't live in the Garden of Eden, we live in a world full of sin. Bad things happen to good people. But with just a nod of the head or a lift of our eyebrow, we suppose, and place blame or pass judgment.

July 20, 2010 I posted "This is Good." Everything in my life hasn't been good, but God always works it for my good.  In that post I wrote about Les asking, "Do you ever question God about what you've been through with Rod and your Mom?" I thought about it, it's a hard question. I definitely miss Mom and Rod, many times I'll think "I wish Rod could see or hear this..." or "I wish I could talk to Mom about that..." but questioning God doesn't do me any good. I choose to trust and say "This is Good" even when it doesn't feel like it or I don't understand. Somehow, I have to trust that God has worked it for my good.

Our words during a trial can make all the difference. They can cause someone to give up completely or keep pressing on. Words spoken without knowledge can lead to irreparable damage. I've said it here many times but if you don't know what to say, the best words in the world are, "I'm praying for you."

The disciples questioned Jesus in John chapter 9:

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

What if we turned it around and thought, "Wow, they're going through a trial. God must want to manifest Himself in them." How would that change our prayers and words? How would it change our attitude when the trial is our own? When a trial hits, we could examine ourselves, and if we don't have sins that need repenting of, we can say, "Lord, I'm waiting for Your glory to be made manifest." What a difference that would make!

Let's do less supposing and more encouraging!

Speak Face to Face

My Bible reading last week included the third book of John.  3 John 13-14 says, "I had many things to write, but I will not with ink and pen write unto thee: But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face."  There is so much wisdom in these few words.  

It is so easy to send a text or email, to tweet or post on social media.  But those words can come back to haunt us.  Whether they are written in seriousness or jest, in anger or sarcasm, they are out there.  Last weekend's Heisman trophy winner spent part of his celebration time apologizing for something he tweeted as a teen.

Writing with pen and ink cannot compare to speaking face to face.  Body language, voice inflection, and so much more is lost on paper or screen.  The "conversation" is one way, with no way to respond, defend or diffuse.

I remember getting an anonymous comment several years ago.  It was rather lengthy and I felt so hurt and attacked.  I didn't know how to interpret all that was written.  I had no context.  Who was this person who seemed to be so angry with me?  I only knew it was a woman because of some of the things she wrote.  Was my blog that offensive to her?  Those are questions I will never have answers to.

I also remember something that happened during choir practice a few years ago.  Someone a few people away from me thought they heard me say something.  They came directly to me after practice, very upset.  I explained what I actually had said and we were able to talk face to face and get it resolved.  I appreciate the courage it took for them to come directly to me.

It's easy to send a text message, but not so easy to clean up the mess that may follow.  It's easy to hide behind a keyboard, but the wise Apostle John knew that speaking face to face was the higher road.

Suppose Ye?

My Bible reading yesterday included Luke chapter 13.  As I began this post, I decided to check my blog for anything similar and found a post from March 24, 2010 with this same title, I'm re-posting it with a few additions.

1 There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilaeans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.
2 And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galilaeans, because they suffered such things?
3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Suppose ye? Isn't that what we do so many times? We see someone going through a trial and suppose that it has been brought on because of some sin or other fault in their life. Job's friends were great supposers. Job called them "miserable comforters" as they spent many chapters accusing Job of sin, urging him to repent.

I wonder how often we SUPPOSE when we do not KNOW. Life is full of so many ups and downs. We don't live in the Garden of Eden, we live in a world full of sin. Bad things happen to good people. But with just a nod of the head or a lift of our eyebrow, we suppose, and place blame or pass judgment.

July 20, 2010 I posted "This is Good." Everything in my life hasn't been good, but God always works it for my good.  In that post I wrote about Les asking, "Do you ever question God about what you've been through with Rod and your Mom?" I thought about it, it's a hard question. I definitely miss Mom and Rod, many times I'll think "I wish Rod could see or hear this..." or "I wish I could talk to Mom about that..." but questioning God doesn't do me any good. I choose to trust and say "This is Good" even when it doesn't feel like it or I don't understand. Somehow, I have to trust that God has worked it for my good.

Our words during a trial can make all the difference. They can cause someone to give up completely or keep pressing on. Words spoken without knowledge can lead to irreparable damage. I've said it here many times but if you don't know what to say, the best words in the world are, "I'm praying for you."

The disciples questioned Jesus in John chapter 9:

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

What if we turned it around and thought, "Wow, they're going through a trial. God must want to manifest Himself in them." How would that change our prayers and words? How would it change our attitude when the trial is our own? When a trial hits, we could examine ourselves, and if we don't have sins that need repenting of, we can say, "Lord, I'm waiting for Your glory to be made manifest." What a difference that would make!

Let's do less supposing and more encouraging!

Drawing the Line

Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?  Is political correctness a useful concept, or does it stifle honest discussion?

I decided to combine these two writing prompts because I think they are very similar.  A quick Google search of "political correctness" brought up over 18 million results.  Merriam Webster defines political correctness as "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated."  The problem with political correctness is we are not all going to agree about what offends us.

What we really need to think about is what comes out of our mouths.  As I was thinking about this topic the phrase "the law of kindness" came to mind.  This comes from Proverbs chapter 31, the chapter about the virtuous woman.  Verse 26 says, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."  The commentaries on this verse are exceptional:

Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible:
She is discreet and obliging in all her discourse, not talkative, censorious, nor peevish, as some are, that know how to take pains; no, she opens her mouth with wisdom; when she does speak, it is with a great deal of prudence and very much to the purpose; you may perceive by every word she says how much she governs herself by the rules of wisdom. She not only takes prudent measures herself, but gives prudent advice to others; and this not as assuming the authority of a dictator, but with the affection of a friend and an obliging air: In her tongue is the law of kindness; all she says is under the government of that law. The law of love and kindness is written in the heart, but it shows itself in the tongue; if we are kindly affectioned one to another, it will appear by affectionate expression. It is called a law of kindness, because it gives law to others, to all she converses with. Her wisdom and kindness together put a commanding power into all she says; they command respect, they command compliance. How forcible are right words! In her tongue is the law of grace, or mercy (so some read it), understanding it of the word and law of God, which she delights to talk of among her children and servants. She is full of pious religious discourse, and manages it prudently, which shows how full her heart is of another world even when her hands are most busy about this world.

John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible:
When she opens her mouth, for it is not always open, she expresses herself in a discreet and prudent manner; as well as speaks of things not foolish and trifling, but of moment and importance, and of usefulness to others: or "concerning wisdom" (a); the church and people of Christ talk of the wisdom of God in the works of creation, providence, and redemption; of Christ, the Wisdom of God, and as made so to them; of the Gospel, the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom; and of wisdom in the hidden part, or the truth of grace in their souls; of their gracious experiences; nor will they suffer any foolish, filthy, and corrupt communication to proceed out of their mouths, but speak the pure language of Canaan; what is for the use of edifying, and being taken out of the Scriptures is profitable for instruction in righteousness.
"the law of love" (b), grace and mercy; which is the law of Christ, speaking kindly and tenderly to everyone, exhorting to acts of mercy and kindness, and doing them herself: or "the doctrine of grace is in her tongue" (c); the Gospel, which is called the Gospel of the grace of God, and the grace of God itself; it is the doctrine of the grace and love of God towards men in Christ, as it appears in their election in him and redemption by him; of the grace of Christ in his incarnation, sufferings, and death; and of the grace of the Spirit in regeneration, conversion, and sanctification; and which contains various doctrines of grace, as of justification, pardon of sin, and effectual calling; and of salvation itself, which is all of grace: and this doctrine of grace, in the several branches of it, the church, and all gracious souls, cannot forbear speaking of; it is often in their mouths, it dwells upon their tongues; and careful are they in other respects that their speech be seasoned with grace, and be such that ministers grace to the hearers. 

1599 Geneva Bible Translation Notes:
Her tongue is a book by which one might learn many good things: for she delights to talk of the word of God.

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible:
The words which come from the lips of the true wife are as a law giving guidance and instruction to those that hear them; but the law is not proclaimed in its sterner aspects, but as one in which “mercy tempers justice,” and love, the fulfilling of the law, is seen to be the source from which it springs.

In the book "God is No Stranger" that I received when I visited Haiti in 1983 there is a prayer that I find fitting to this topic:

Lord,
Help us not to talk too much - Because talking too much is like driving too fast.
Sometimes the brakes are not good, and we pass by the place where we intended to stop.
When we talk too much, we know we go beyond the truth and we lie.
We also know that speaking too much derails us from life's track.

We would be wise to not speak too much and when we do speak, let the law of kindness always govern our tongues.

A House Divided

Pick a divisive issue currently in the news. Write a two-part post in which you take on two personas and approach the topic from both sides. Bonus points for a creative format (roundtable discussion, debate transcript, etc.)

As I mentioned yesterday, I strive to keep it positive here on my blog.  I dread confrontation, even if I know I'm right.  I don't like to put people on the defensive.  I prefer to live peaceably with all men.  I've received a few negative comments through the years (all anonymous, of course!)  I have chosen not to respond.  What would be the purpose?  If someone feels the need to tear me apart, that doesn't change who I am.  Yes, it hurts, but fighting back won't make me feel better.

So... I am not following today's prompt!  It goes against what I want my blog to be.  I might post something that people don't agree with, but it is never my intention to be disagreeable.  Didn't we just survive the most divisive election season?  Ugh, no, I'm not going there.  I'm re-posting something I wrote six years ago.  Key sentences from that post are:

This blog is my stone...  Since this is my blog, I'll share my blond moments, but not my bad moments.

This is the complete post titled "Written in Sand or Stone?"

I read an interesting article in the most recent Weight Watchers magazine. The topic was social media and how it affects us. The main focus was on Facebook, but blogs and tweets were also mentioned. One quote that really caught my attention was:

Beware of Boast Posts
Too many chirpy status updates from a virtual friend can hurt your self-esteem, says Alex Jordan, PhD, a psychologist at Dartmouth College's Tuck School of Business in Hanover, NH. If your friend's posts prove more demoralizing than motivating, unfriend her fast.

This made me question my blog. Am I hurting someone's self-esteem with my posts? That is the last thing I want to do. Part of my profile says, "my hope for this blog is to be an encouragement and a blessing, or maybe just bring a smile on a dreary day."

I don't post when I'm having a bad day. This isn't my "venting place." Some may think I am sugar-coating my life or not keeping it real. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, but let me just clarify:

• I am human.
• I am a Female human.
• I have bad days.
• I don't always want to run or ride my bike or eat healthy.
• I need to pray and read my Bible more than I do.
• I need to mop my kitchen floor (really bad!)
• I have piles of laundry every week.
• At least one load will be full of smelly running and cycling clothes.
• If you cut me I will bleed.
• If you say something mean to me, I will (hopefully) bite my tongue and walk away.
• And hurt, and possibly cry about it later.

Every single text message, email, Facebook update, blog post, tweet, etc., can be retrieved. You can delete it from your phone or your computer, but it is never gone. Police departments, insurance companies, future employers, and lawyers, can all get to electronic information. It is written in stone...

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything,wrote in the sand:

"Today my best friend slapped me in the face."

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life."

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand, and to carve your benefits in stone.
~ Author Unknown

This blog is my stone. When someone hurts me, I won't be writing it here. My hope is not to make others unhappy with their own lives, but to be an encouragement. If you know me, you know I've buried my dear brother and my godly mother. My life is not, nor has ever been, perfect. I want to learn from hurts and mistakes, but not dwell on them.

One of my greatest possessions is Mom's Bible. She received it on her 47th birthday ~ my current age (my current age is 53, but I was 47 when I first posted this.) She carried it until her death. It was this Bible that she carried during an 8 year battle with cancer and the loss of Rod. I know of some very hurtful things that were said to her during those years. I know she was very sick. At times she was discouraged. But I counted the many sayings and quotations written inside the covers of her Bible. There are nearly 100 of them. There are only a few that mention her cancer. Written in the stone of Mom's Bible are:

• A smile can brighten someone's day.
• Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its strength.
• HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.
• I can see to the corner, but God sees around the corner... don't worry (from Sis. Mary Coursey)
• I'm a Happy Camper
• Lately I've got Leavin' on my mind.
• Prayer is the Christian's mightiest weapon.
• Gratitude is a seasoning for all seasons.
• Not the greatness of our troubles, but the littleness of our spirit makes us complain.
• Every miracle begins with an impossibility.
• One who uses the Bible as his guide never loses his sense of direction.

On and on it goes. Faith. Trust. Hope. Prayer. Even the ones about her cancer show her faith in God:

• 4-27-90 - Black day for me - but God is in charge. Cancer is not too hard for my God.
• Dec. 3, 1996 - Bone cancer - arms, legs, spine, pelvis - I need God.

Since this is my blog, I'll share my blond moments, but not my bad moments. I want to make you think, laugh, and hope ~ because the God I serve came to bring life and that more abundantly. He's certainly given it to me.

I'll close this post with one more quote from Mom's Bible:

Repeat to yourself and store in memory some good thought everyday.
Look for something beautiful everyday, no matter where you are.
Do something kind and helpful for someone everyday.

What are you writing in stone?

Be Careful, Little Tongue, What You Say

I'm the youngest of four so there was plenty of opportunity in our household for disagreements.  If I heard it once, I heard Mom say a thousand times, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I'm sure she got weary of the four of us at times! As I was looking her though Bible this week, I found that same theme a number of times.  Her children were grown, so this was a reminder to herself that words matter...

More people have been hurt by a careless tongue than by a sharp sword.

If I can't speak well of others then I need to remain silent.

When you speak, always remember that God is one of your hearers.

Speak and act in harmony with your prayers.

It is in the home we are treated the best and grumble the most.

This was not found in Mom's Bible, but remember the childhood saying?

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will never hurt me...

I have no idea who came up with it, but they were wrong in so many ways! A child who hears that can grow up into an adult who says whatever they want, whenever they want, thinking their words are harmless. But words DO hurt. Words wound. Words scar.

And finally, this quote is found in the front AND back of her Bible:

Not the greatness of our troubles but the littleness of our spirit makes us complain.

What are your words and actions saying today?

Natural Temperament

Some of the commentary about Martha and Mary has really had my mind working.  Matthew Henry pointed out the two different temperaments of the sisters, "and the temptations and advantages of each."  God created us with natural tendencies, but our fallen nature can cause trouble no matter what feels natural.  He went on to say, "it will be our wisdom carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  He didn't mention trying to improve anyone else's natural temper - that is an exercise in futility!  A Commentary on the Old and New Testaments by Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown said, "Both are needed, each to be the complement of the other."

Respect for the natural temperament of others is vitally important for any healthy relationship.  Sometimes those natural temperaments aren't easily apparent, but in time we learn.  Let me give you an example using singers:

A children's choir usually just sings unison.  There are no apparent sopranos, altos or tenors.  They have two ways to sing, soft or loud, which often means yelling!

 

At some point most of us move up to a youth choir and start realizing we can sing parts.  There will be some girls who can't reach the high parts any longer - they are naturally altos.  The young men go back and forth from lead to tenor as their voices change, and some never can sing tenor - they are naturally basses.  And then there are ladies like me who sing soprano.  I can sing alto, but it's very unnatural.  If I'm singing alto during service - the song is probably in a very high key, or I have a cold!

By the time we reach adult choir status, our natural parts are firmly in our minds.  A choir that sings three part harmony sounds very beautiful.  When all the parts join in unison, it sounds nice, and then the parts come back in a powerful way.  Sometimes the choir director will have the parts flip - everyone is singing a part that is unnatural, but it gives a new punch!  And we're all happy (and sometimes relieved) when we go back to our natural parts.

In all of this, if the sopranos started complaining that the altos and tenors needed to sing soprano, we would all think they were silly.  Altos need to sing alto!  Tenors need to sing tenor!  And sopranos need to own their soprano part!  A choir takes natural ability, blends it together, respects differences, and comes out with a beautiful sound.

So when it comes to our natural temperaments, we need to work on blending with others who are different from us.  All types are needed, to be the complement of the others.

I'll use myself as an example here.  My natural temperament is somewhat reserved and quiet.  (Yes, really!)  I need quiet time.  I enjoy spending time with friends and family, but there comes a point that I need quiet.  I've been misunderstood plenty through the years, and I've tried many times to suppress that need, but that has backfired at times.  My spirit needs quiet.  I've been running for years.  It was only when I started training for my first marathon that I started running with music and that was only on my weekly long run.  I can run for an hour or more with just my thoughts for company and come home refreshed.  Most of the time in our home we don't have a radio or stereo playing - we're content with quiet.

I also understand that not everyone is like me.  There are people who thrive on crowds.  They want to share everything about themselves and want to know everything about everyone else.  I enjoy those kinds of people, even though I know I am not like them.  I can be talkative and friendly, but after a while I just run out of words and my ears are tired!  I'm not in a bad mood or upset, I just need quiet.  (I do realize these are just two types of the many people on this planet!)

I know there I times I need to move beyond my personal preferences.  I make an effort to speak to guests in our church, even though it doesn't come naturally.  I'd be content to let others take that role, but I know this is important whether it's comfortable or not.  On the flip side, I have heard many times that a friend can talk to me and know that I am not going to repeat anything that has been said in confidence.  My quiet nature means I know when to keep quiet.

Our natural temperament is never an excuse to be unkind to others.  "That's just the way I am," does not excuse rudeness.  "I just say how I feel," is never acceptable when we have been demeaning, hurtful, or unkind.  As Matthew Henry said, we must "carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, the Apostle Paul gave us a beautiful illustration of being one body with many members.  Just remember this - God set the members as it pleased him.

For the body is not one member, but many.
If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
And if they were all one member, where were the body?
But now are they many members, yet but one body.
And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

The Power of A Soft Tongue

My Bible reading today concluded with just one verse in Proverbs, chapter 25 verse 15:

By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

I immediately turned to my favorite commentary, Matthew Henry, and his words made it so clear:

Two things are here recommended to us, in dealing with others, as likely means to gain our point:

1. Patience, to bear a present heat without being put into a heat by it, and to wait for a fit opportunity to offer our reasons and to give persons time to consider them. By this means even a prince may be persuaded to do a thing which he seemed very averse to, much more a common person. That which is justice and reason now will be so another time, and therefore we need not urge them with violence now, but wait for a more convenient season.
2. Mildness, to speak without passion or provocation: A soft tongue breaks the bone; it mollifies the roughest spirits and overcomes those that are most morose, like lightning, which, they say, has sometimes broken the bone, and yet not pierced the flesh. Gideon with a soft tongue pacified the Ephraimites and Abigail turned away David's wrath. Hard words, we say, break no bones, and therefore we should bear them patiently; but, it seems, soft words do, and therefore we should, on all occasions, give them prudently.

I want my words to be soft!  On all occasions.

More people have been hurt by a careless tongue than by a sharp sword.
~ Mom's Bible

When You Don't Know What to Say

I started reading the book of Job this morning.  There is no book in the Bible that compares.  We read it and know the rest of the story, but Job lived it not having a clue as to what was going on in heaven.

One of the most irritating parts of the story to me is Job's friends.  They started out with good intentions "for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him," (Job 2:11) but things went south very quickly.   For seven days and nights that sat with Job and didn't say a word.  Job's grief was so great they did not know how to comfort him.  If only they'd stopped there...

Chapter after chapter Job's friends try to figure out what he has done to deserve this punishment on his life.  He must have some great hidden sin.  Surely bad things don't come to righteous people. His "friend" Eliphaz said in chapter 3, "Remember, I pray thee, who ever perished, being innocent? or where were the righteous cut off? Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same. By the blast of God they perish, and by the breath of his nostrils are they consumed."

I've said it before, but I will say it again.  When you don't know what to say, say very little.  When you see your friend hurting the best thing you can say is, "I'm praying for you."  When someone loses a child, don't remind them of the others they still have. Children are not interchangeable.  Job had 10 children and if nine had survived he would have still grieved the lost one.  I really can't say, "I know what you're going through," because the "same" trial will not feel the same for any two people.

Job called his friends "miserable comforters."  One of the definitions of the word "miserable" is extreme discomfort or unhappiness.  Such a contradiction they were.  I've been on the receiving end of those kinds of friends.  I like to say "they tried" and "they mean well,"  when someone doesn't know what to say but they say something anyway.  Think, long and hard if necessary, before you speak.

The Cost of Complaining

The past few days my Bible reading has been in the book of Numbers.  God takes complaining very seriously:

In chapter 11, verse 1 "And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp."  Just three verses later ~ "And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat?   We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:  But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes."  Verses 11-14, Moses has grown weary of the whining and finally says in verse 14, "I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me."  At the end of the chapter, the Lord sent quail in abundance.  "And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague."

In chapter 12 we find Aaron and Miriam complaining about Moses. "Hath the Lord indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us?"   And the Lord heard it.  "Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth." God dealt with Aaron and Miriam, sending leprosy on Miriam, causing her to spend seven days outside the camp.

In chapter 13 Moses sent out the 12 spies.  Caleb and Joshua did their best to encourage the people to go forth and conquer, but "the men that went up with him said, We be not able to go up against the people; for they are stronger than we.  And they brought up an evil report of the land."  The Lord slew the ten spies that brought the evil report.

In chapter 14, the entire nation wept and " murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness!"  God is ready to kill the entire nation, but Moses intercedes. It is then that they are told they will not enter into the promise land, but wander in the wilderness for 40 years and die there.

In chapter 16, Korah, Dathan, and Abiram with 250 men "gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the Lord?"  The ground opened up and Korah and his companions and their families "went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them."   "And there came out a fire from the Lord, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense."  Verse 41 tells us, "But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the Lord."  A plague was sent that killed 14,700.

I have read all of these stories in recent days and this is just a small sampling of what Moses endured.  Some people never learn!  Over and over the people murmured and were punished.  I wonder, would I have survived these murmurings?  Would I have been slain by a plague, swallowed up by the earth, or consumed with fire?  It's a sobering thought.  I want my heart to be right with God and my pastor and those in leadership.  God didn't take it lightly thousands of years ago, I don't believe He takes it lightly today.

Complaining, murmuring, and criticizing are highly contagious.  Korah didn't get swallowed up alone.  I wonder how many days and how many people he talked to before he had gathered 250 men and his courage to confront Moses.  This is a powerful saying:

  

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Wordless

Last night Pastor McGriffin concluded his series on the Battle of the Mind. I have many pages of notes, but my damaged hands make typing a little difficult so those will have to wait. I just wanted to share one funny example he gave:

In talking about the battle of the mind, we also must talk about what comes out of our mouths. The old rule still applies, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  Then Pastor McGriffin quipped, "Some people would become mute!"

Ouch!  The truth hurts sometimes!

The Weight of Words, Part 2

We enjoyed another tremendous Bible Study on Tuesday night.

Key verse:  Proverbs 8:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  What you put on the table with your tongue is what you will consume, bitter or sweet.

We all have a filter that we hear everything through.  It is called the sum of our life experiences.  What we have experienced in life will affect how we hear what is said and how we receive it.  It affects our ability to trust and love.

Our biggest challenge is in the nature of our words.

Relationships have suffered and failed because of misunderstandings, how words are received and interpreted. We cannot accomplish anything with miscommunication. 

Psalm 64:3 "Who whet their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words."  People who use their words as a weapon do it to destroy those who don't agree with them.  You have the ability to destroy with your tongue. 

I Peter 3:1-2 says "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."  Don't talk bad about the church to unsaved loved ones.  Always be positive about the church, the pastor and his wife, and what is going on.

Proverbs 17:4 "A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue."  Adam and Eve listened to the serpent.  He changed the Word of God by only adding one word.  God said "thou shalt surely die."  The serpent said, "Ye shall not surely die."  Don't listen to the wrong voice that is sewing doubt and criticism.

Numbers chapter 13 records the story of the 12 spies.  They reported that the land flowed with milk and honey.  But then they brought an evil report.  They saw themselves as inferior, inadequate and incapable.  Only Joshua and Caleb believed they were able.  In Numbers chapter 14 the people wept that night and murmured against Moses and Aaron because of an evil report.  A negative report can cause you to miss out on the promises of God.  They all died because they bought into a lie.

We need to understand the impact of our words.  Proverbs 17:28 "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."  If you're not sure if you're saying the right thing, keep your mouth shut!  "If you can't say something nice... don't say anything at all!"

Joshua chapter six shows us that Joshua learned his lesson.  When it was time to take the city of Jericho, verse 10 says, "And Joshua had commanded the people, saying, Ye shall not shout, nor make any noise with your voice, neither shall any word proceed out of your mouth, until the day I bid you shout; then shall ye shout."  Joshua did not want a negative report to ruin the victory.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is keep quiet.  They marched for six days - Joshua knew the complaining was going to start up.  They would have talked themselves out of victory.

Don't talk yourself out of victory.  Keep marching!  Hold on to your faith.  Victory is on the way!

The Weight of Words, Part 1

 
Last Tuesday, Pastor McGriffin began a new series about words.  I have written many posts about words and how they can harm or help others (click on this link if you want to read them all, good stuff if I do say so myself!)  The old childhood taunt "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is one that I disagree with strongly.  A broken bone will heal, but words can hurt for a lifetime.  What we say to others and what we say to ourselves matters.  Here are some notes from last week's study:

Key verse:  Proverbs 8:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." Pastor McGriffin had us look at our neighbors and repeat, "My words carry a huge weight." 

Genesis chapter 11 gives the account of the Tower of Babel. "And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech." (verse 1) "And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.  Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth." (verse 6-9)  God knew that the ability to communicate was so great that nothing could stop them.  Amos 3:3 "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"  

Language is powerful.  The tongue is very often used as a weapon of destruction.  Psalm 64:3-6 "Who whet their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words:  That they may shoot in secret at the perfect: suddenly do they shoot at him, and fear not.  They encourage themselves in an evil matter: they commune of laying snares privily; they say, Who shall see them? They search out iniquities; they accomplish a diligent search: both the inward thought of every one of them, and the heart, is deep."

There are approximately 6900 languages in the world.  There are more than 800 languages in Papua New Guinea (pray for our missionaries there!)  There are about 750,000 words in the English language.  The average person speaks 3,000 and may know 10,000 words.  College graduates may know 60,000 words. That means there are 3,000 ways we can be misunderstood every day.

Words are tools - tools designed to build or to destroy.  The choice is yours.  Always try to lift people up with your words - make them feel better when they leave your presence.  It's not a good thing to be known as someone who rips people to shreds. Deuteronomy 11:26 says, "Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse."  Make the right choice between life and death and blessings and cursings.

You can destroy yourself with words.  James 3:5 says, "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!"  The second part of Proverbs 18:21 says, "they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  Your will reap the fruit of how you use your tongue.  Use your tongue as a weapon, a vessel of criticism and division and it will come back to you.  Use your tongue as a tool to heal, of blessing, or to speak joy and it's coming back to you.  There is weight in your words.

People magnets are those who speak positive things.

Be a good listener.  Hold back your words and just listen.  {Funny moment during the lesson:  At this point during the teaching, Pastor McGriffin said, "I need to work on this... you don't need to be nodding your heads right now!"  I was nodding my head, but I was thinking of myself!}

Be careful when you use sarcasm to destroy by using humor.  That needs to be repeated, be careful when you use sarcasm to destroy by using humor.  Sarcasm cuts and wounds.  Somebody is always listening.

The Bible has so much to say about words! 

Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."
Proverbs 15:23 "A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!"
Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord God hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary"
Proverbs 10:20 "The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth."
Proverbs 12:18 "There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health."   
Proverbs  12:19 "The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment."
Proverbs 12:25 "Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad."
Proverbs 15:2 "The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness."
Proverbs 17:4 "A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue."

Be careful who you listen to.  Those with a naughty tongue bring death.  Talk in opposition of the ministry, or negatively of brothers or sisters is coming from naughty lips. 

This was a tremendous lesson and I'm looking forward to Part 2 tonight.  I want the weight of my words to bring forth life and blessings! 

Hunting Country Musicians

 

A headline on my Yahoo home page caught my attention this morning:

Montana Leaders Held Illegal Hunts for Musicians

The first paragraph of the story did not clear up my confusion: Three former Blackfeet tribal leaders will serve three years of probation for holding illegal big-game hunts for country musicians that were filming an outdoors television show on the northwestern Montana reservation.  I pictured musicians, with guitars strapped to their backs, running scared through the Montana winter...

The real story is the musicians were guided by these men and were the hunters, not the hunted!

Tuesday night, Pastor McGriffin taught a wonderful lesson about words.  I'll recap it soon, but this misleading headline was a reminder that words, and they way we use them, are important!

Fun with Wordle

I found a link to Wordle on a running blog that I read (she lives on Maui, so we're practically neighbors!)  I decided to give it a try.  It took words from my blog since the first of the year.  Do you see the common threads?

Let me know if you try this with your own blog!

Wordy Wednesday ~ Dreams

My in-laws brought be a little book last week called "101 Words that Matter Most for Women."  Each page has a single word, it's meaning, several Bible verses and a quote.  I'll be sharing those here from time to time.

I thought the word "dreams" was a great way to start 2013.  Resolutions are good and goals are worthwhile, but don't forget to dream along the way.

Dreams:  a cherished ambition, hope, aspiration or ideal.

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Psalm 37:4 

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us...  Ephesians 3:20

Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.  II Corinthians 5:9

You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.
~C.S. Lewis

Psalm 37:4 is one of my favorite verses, but there's more to life than just receiving the desires of our heart.  Delighting in the Lord is the first order of business, the dreams will follow.  May God give you the desires and dreams of your heart in 2013!

Scars

Warning:  Slightly graphic picture below.

I had a very interesting conversation on Sunday.  One of my friends was talking about a scar she has on her leg from a motorcycle accident.  Her skirts always hide it, so I've never seen it and don't know how bad it is.  I started telling her about a scar I have on my head.  "See, right here," I said, as I pointed.  She said, "I don't even see it." I went home and looked in the mirror and she was right.  I could hardly see it and I knew where to look!

I received this scar when I was in the 9th grade.  It was Friday night after youth service.  My sister, a friend, and I were going out to eat.  We stopped at a stop sign.  A frontage road was to my right.  A car came up the frontage road, didn't stop at a stop sign, and broadsided us.  None of us were wearing seat belts (it wasn't the law back then.)  I was thrown into the windshield.  This is what I looked like the next day:

If I I remember correctly, I received about 50 stitches.  A portion of my hair, that had never been cut, was shaved off.  I don't remember anything from the time we were hit until I awoke in the hospital.  I was able to go home that night.

“Scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going.”
 ~ David Rossi

That was almost 35 years ago.  The physical scar has faded, but the mental scar remains.  I still picture myself with a much larger scar.  I really thought, when I pointed it out to my friend, that she would see how horrible it was.

I don't even know the name of the man who hits us that night.  I never met him, but I've never forgotten what he did.  The outward scar has almost vanished, but if I rub in just the right spot, I can still feel the mark that was left that night.

We all have scars.  Some are in our flesh, others in our hearts and minds.  Scars that no one sees, but we still remember how we got them.

More people have been hurt by a careless tongue than a sharp sword.
~ Mom's Bible

As we go through life, we can be as careless as the young man who ran the stop sign that night.  He got in a car that was not his and left a scar in my life.  Our words, even those spoken in jest or carelessly, can also inflict scars.  The wound will heal, but the bearer of the scar will remember the one who inflicted the pain.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

From Gross To Grace

A post on Kristin Armstrong's blog this morning talked about going for a run when she was mad.  She said, "In an effort to move beyond fire-breathing-dragon status this morning, I did what had to be done. I ran."  She doesn't say how far or how long she ran, but she finally determined it was safe to walk home.

Further on she says, " I have to wonder, how do people who don't run handle their flame?  How else can you get from gross to grace without causing permanent damage?"  Even as a runner, I know the answer is not a good run, but a good prayer meeting.  A good run can help me sort my thoughts, but on my knees is where the true victory happens.

Harder than running a marathon.  Much tougher than competing in a triathlon.  More difficult than climbing Mount Everest.  It's called the taming of the tongue.  The tiny member that is capable of causing permanent damage.

James chapter 3, verses 3-10 has much to say about this subject:

Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.  Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!  And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.  For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:  But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.  Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.  Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

I like how the Message puts it:

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!  It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14