Arno's Bike Shop (Day 2, Part 2 of 3)

After securing our bikes, we decided to head out and explore Brugge for a bit.  Less than half a mile from our hotel we saw a sign for Arno's bike shop.  "Let's check it out!"

 

Arno's was more than a bike rental shop.  It was a little place for cyclists to gather, drink coffee, chat and browse through a variety of cycling memorabilia.  

I found this cute sign and had to send a picture to my sister who has been chronically late for the majority of her life!

 

When I asked the young man who was working there if he was Arno, the sadness in his face told a different story.  Lando was the young man's name and Arno was his older brother.  Arno died last year at the young age of 29.  My heart quickly went out to Lando as I recalled my own loss of Rod when he was just 31.

 

Lando showed us around and explained that they just wanted a place to enjoy talking about bikes and encourage others to ride.  Everything was for sale and the plan is to always have a fresh inventory.  We ended up spending about two hours in the shop, learning about the cycling culture in Belgium and getting tips for our own riding adventures.

 

We didn't learn the details of Arno's passing, but the wound was still raw for this family.  On the wall was a poem written by Arno and Lando's father:   

 

I thought this was so beautiful I wanted to put the full text here:

Arno's journey

Along the roads where the morning dew trembles on the grass,

a silent cyclist moves along with dust on his shoes;

his hands open to the oncoming wind.

Arno, who found the evening far too early.

wakes above him-invisible yet so close.

His breath silent as his voice fills the space between the leaves. 

He knows the curves of the road, the potholes in the asphalt.

And then the rain falls suddenly, like a memory. 

He was a traveler once, seeking distant places, 

chasing the stars he felt in his breast.

But now Arno is a whisper in the reeds,
the shade that cools when the sun too fiercely burns the flesh.
Your back feels his hand pushing oh so gently when your soul loses courage, 

and your tired legs crave relief.
Sometimes, when the sun sets and the sky turns to copper, 

and the whole world holds its breath for a moment, 

the cyclist feels the hand that is no hand yet feels very real;
a presence like a memory, warm and comforting.
He does not know why his heart feels lighter, 

why the road is suddenly less lonely. 

Somewhere above the endless whirring of the tyres

and the rhythm of his breathing, Arno is watching.
He died too soon and is gone to somewhere over the horizon, 

traveling beyond the sky to the place where the road and light are one.

Translation by Frans Mantel
Editing by Sophie Shearer 

 

Our time spent at Arno's was an unexpected pause.  In a world that is often just too busy, I hope our kindness to Lando will be remembered.

Do Good!

I read Proverbs chapter 3 yesterday.  Verse 27 says, "Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it."  I've read this verse many times, but wanted to read what commentaries had to say.

John Gill's Exposition of the Bible says, "Honor, reverence, and tribute, to civil magistrates, just payment of debts to creditors, and alms to the poor.  Do not forbid him to do well that can, and as we should not abstain from doing good ourselves, so neither should we forbid, hinder, or discourage others."

I especially like what Joseph Benson's Commentary on the Old and New Testaments had to say, "The good here spoken of must be considered as being applicable to any thing that is good, either counsel, comfort, reproof, or the good things of the present life. And by the lords, or owners of it, we must understand those who have any kind of right to it, whether by the law of justice and equity, or by the great and sovereign law of love, which God hath written on the hearts of men by nature, and hath frequently and solemnly enjoined in his word. So that this place not only commands the payment of just debts, and the restitution of things taken from others by fraud or violence, or of things committed to our trust; but it obliges every man, according to his ability and opportunity, to pity and relieve such as are in real want or misery, and to do all the good in his power, temporal or spiritual, to his fellow-creatures."

It's easy to look at that verse and think of material goods - money, food, clothing - and think "I'm off the hook because I don't have any extra to give."  That may seem true, but there is always good that we can offer.  A kind word, a smile, an "I'm praying for you," all these cost nothing.

Galatians 6:10 says something similar, "As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith."

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible says this:

This is the true rule about doing good. The opportunity to do good, imposes the obligation to do it. The simple rule is, that we are favored with the opportunity, and that we have the power. 

It is not that we are to do it when it is convenient; or when it will advance the interest of a party; or when it may contribute to our fame; the rule is, that we are to do it when we have the opportunity. 

No matter how often that occurs; no matter how many objects of benevolence are presented - the more the better; no matter how much self-denial it may cost us; no matter how little fame we may get by it; still, if we have the opportunity to do good, we are to do it, and should be thankful for the privilege. 

And it is to be done to all people. Not to our family only; not to our party; not to our neighbors; not to those of our own color; not to those who live in the same land with us, but to all mankind. 

If we can reach and benefit a man who lives on the other side of the globe, whom we have never seen, and shall never see in this world, still we are to do him good. 

Such is Christianity. And in this, as in all other respects, it differs from the narrow and selfish spirit of clanship which prevails all over the world.

In a world that is filled with hate and anger, I can't think of a better way to start 2024.  Do good!

Repost: Natural Temperament

While I was looking for my "Flip the Change" post, I stumbled on another post that I wrote that contained the word "flip."  The "flip" in this post is about music and vocal parts, but after reading it, I decided it need to be re-posted, too.

 

Some of the commentary about Martha and Mary has really had my mind working.  Matthew Henry pointed out the two different temperaments of the sisters, "and the temptations and advantages of each."  God created us with natural tendencies, but our fallen nature can cause trouble no matter what feels natural.  He went on to say, "it will be our wisdom carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  He didn't mention trying to improve anyone else's natural temper - that is an exercise in futility!  A Commentary on the Old and New Testaments by Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown said, "Both are needed, each to be the complement of the other."

Respect for the natural temperament of others is vitally important for any healthy relationship.  Sometimes those natural temperaments aren't easily apparent, but in time we learn.  Let me give you an example using singers:

A children's choir usually just sings unison.  There are no apparent sopranos, altos or tenors.  They have two ways to sing, soft or loud, which often means yelling!

 

At some point most of us move up to a youth choir and start realizing we can sing parts.  There will be some girls who can't reach the high parts any longer - they are naturally altos.  The young men go back and forth from lead to tenor as their voices change, and some never can sing tenor - they are naturally basses.  And then there are ladies like me who sing soprano.  I can sing alto, but it's very unnatural.  If I'm singing alto during service - the song is probably in a very high key, or I have a cold!

By the time we reach adult choir status, our natural parts are firmly in our minds.  A choir that sings three part harmony sounds very beautiful.  When all the parts join in unison, it sounds nice, and then the parts come back in a powerful way.  Sometimes the choir director will have the parts flip - everyone is singing a part that is unnatural, but it gives a new punch!  And we're all happy (and sometimes relieved) when we go back to our natural parts.

In all of this, if the sopranos started complaining that the altos and tenors needed to sing soprano, we would all think they were silly.  Altos need to sing alto!  Tenors need to sing tenor!  And sopranos need to own their soprano part!  A choir takes natural ability, blends it together, respects differences, and comes out with a beautiful sound.

So when it comes to our natural temperaments, we need to work on blending with others who are different from us.  All types are needed, to be the complement of the others.

I'll use myself as an example here.  My natural temperament is somewhat reserved and quiet.  (Yes, really!)  I need quiet time.  I enjoy spending time with friends and family, but there comes a point that I need quiet.  I've been misunderstood plenty through the years, and I've tried many times to suppress that need, but that has backfired at times.  My spirit needs quiet.  I've been running for years.  It was only when I started training for my first marathon that I started running with music and that was only on my weekly long run.  I can run for an hour or more with just my thoughts for company and come home refreshed.  Most of the time in our home we don't have a radio or stereo playing - we're content with quiet.

I also understand that not everyone is like me.  There are people who thrive on crowds.  They want to share everything about themselves and want to know everything about everyone else.  I enjoy those kinds of people, even though I know I am not like them.  I can be talkative and friendly, but after a while I just run out of words and my ears are tired!  I'm not in a bad mood or upset, I just need quiet.  (I do realize these are just two types of the many people on this planet!)

I know there I times I need to move beyond my personal preferences.  I make an effort to speak to guests in our church, even though it doesn't come naturally.  I'd be content to let others take that role, but I know this is important whether it's comfortable or not.  On the flip side, I have heard many times that a friend can talk to me and know that I am not going to repeat anything that has been said in confidence.  My quiet nature means I know when to keep quiet.

Our natural temperament is never an excuse to be unkind to others.  "That's just the way I am," does not excuse rudeness.  "I just say how I feel," is never acceptable when we have been demeaning, hurtful, or unkind.  As Matthew Henry said, we must "carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, the Apostle Paul gave us a beautiful illustration of being one body with many members.  Just remember this - God set the members as it pleased him.

For the body is not one member, but many.
If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
And if they were all one member, where were the body?
But now are they many members, yet but one body.
And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Ready, Set, Go

Set a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish.

 

I have to qualify this post by saying I started working on it on Saturday!  I'm pretty sure most on-line "journalists" use this method of hitting "publish" without re-checking their story 99% of the time!  There are many reasons NOT to publish something without thinking it through.  In my opinion, here are a few:

1.  Haste Makes Waste

This is a phrase I have heard all my life.  I did a little research and found the first record of the phrase haste makes waste comes from the 1500s. It may originate from part of a longer proverb: “Haste makes waste, and waste makes want, and want makes strife between the goodman and his wife.”  Rushing things leads to mistakes or poor results.  The result of working too fast might be that you end up having to throw out what you’ve done and start over. 

 

2.  Grammar Matters

I can't tell you how many times I've been confused reading an article.  I am not an English teacher, I struggle with correct grammar myself, so publishing without proofreading is going to produce a messy post.  I am not thinking of anyone in particular as I write this post.  Please don't be offended if you struggle with correct grammar! 

3.  Overlooking Mistakes

It's easy to overlook a mistake on something I've just written.  Sometimes I'll type "this" when I meant "these."  Even when I proofread, it's easy to miss a mistake because I know what the sentence is suppose to say. 

Poor Joey ;)  Breaking his heart and correcting his spelling!

4.  Passing the Philippians 4:8 Test

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”   I want what I write to pass the test for truth, honesty, justice, purity, loveliness.  I want it to be a good report filled with virtue and praise.  I want to carefully think about what I write before I hit "publish."  I Googled "fake news" and there were almost 900 million results!  Fake news does not pass this test.

 

5.  Charity Counts

Just because I think something, it doesn't mean I need to say it or post it.  My Bible reading this morning included 1 Corinthians chapter 13.  If my writing doesn't reflect a spirit of charity, what I've written will be ignored or ridiculed. As I have said many times, what we publish on the internet, stays on the internet.  More important that correct grammar is a kind attitude.

Toot Your Horn

Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.

 

I'm a really good cook!

It's true.  The recipes I post (more than 100 are linked on my Friday Foodie page) are things I have made, but more than that I'm good at taking a recipe and tweaking it to be a little healthier and often tastier.  When Les and I were first married I wasn't much a cook, but I can read and that's all it took for my journey to get started.  I really enjoy making great tasting food.

 

Sometimes I'll throw a meal together in under 20 minutes, but most of the time I enjoy taking more time.  It's not unusual for me to spend time in the morning or early afternoon prepping a meal.  Most great meals take time and if flavors can spend more time together, marinating or just blending, the meal is going to be even better.

One of the most important keys to being a good cook is having good tools.  My kitchen arsenal includes - food processor, pasta maker, air fryer, toaster oven, Crockpot, blender, and mixer!  I'm getting a new oven in a few weeks and I'm so excited about that!  My current oven is original with our house (over 30 years old) and the thermostat hasn't worked in years.

 

On a more serious note, I am also a good friend.  I try really hard to be the friend people trust.  I want people to feel better, not worse, after spending time with me.  I want people to trust that whatever they tell me in secret will remain just that.  I want to be the Pollyanna, cheer-leading friend that brings joy.  Even when it's just here on my blog, I want to turn people to the One who can bring the greatest joy and peace that can be found.

While working on this post, I went down the rabbit hole that is my blog.  I looked up the word "friend" and found many, many posts about being a friend.  I want to share one from 2009 that I describes the kind of friend I want to have and I want to be.  The post is called Rejoicing and Weeping, you can read the full post here.

Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." I realized that not everyone follows that verse completely. There are many reactions to rejoicing and weeping. Here are my thoughts:

Rejoicers only - rejoicers are there in the good times. Going out after church, they're there. Going shopping, they're with you. Party? Good times? Oh yeah, they're on it. But, when weeping begins they are nowhere in sight. Kind of like the friends of the Prodigal son. He alone was in the pig pen.

Nonrejoicers - these people cannot rejoice when anyone else is blessed. Their favorite saying is, "It's not fair!" My friend, Caroline, wrote about this subject recently and I agree with everything she said. Nonrejoicers think, "Why does she have a new car/dress/pair of shoes/job/boyfriend/etc. and I don't?" Envy and jealousy are the nonrejoicers close companions. I believe if they would learn to rejoice with them that do rejoice and be thankful for what they already have, God is waiting to bless them even more.

Weepers only - just like rejoicers, there are weepers. They don't weep with you, but when you weep they find more to weep about. If you share the news of some horrible diagnosis, their response is to tell you about their friend or relative who had the same diagnosis and the horrible outcome they suffered. Weepers live a life in the dark. They don't know how to rejoice. They can't see a positive outcome from anyone weeping.

Nonweepers - these people are similar to rejoicers, but they may not rejoice either. Nonweepers have no compassion. If your life is in shambles, it must be your fault. If you are stricken with an illness, you probably weren't eating healthy. Nonweepers forget that "it rains on the just and unjust." Job's friends fell into these category when they began speaking to him. Repeatedly they accused him of sinning, urging him to confess, so God could restore him.

I want my rejoicing to be real, if the blessing is mine or belongs to someone else, and I want my weeping to be filled with compassion. I want my words to reflect a heart of caring.

Finally, the phrase that came to mind most frequently was one I never want to do:

Weep over them that rejoice, and rejoice over them that weep.

Two for One: Ripped from the Headlines + Polite Company

Two of this week's writing prompts immediately brought a "no, thanks" response:

January 14 - Head to your favorite online news source. Pick an article with a headline that grabs you. Now, write a short story based on the article.

January 15 - “It’s never a good idea to discuss religion or politics with people you don’t really know.” Agree or disagree?

 

Unfortunately, the headlines these days are not worth reading, much less writing about.  I'm spending less and less time reading even conservative news these days because it's all so negative.  Of course that negativity is usually about politics!

Am I a chicken for avoiding these subjects?  Maybe.  Do I have opinions about these subjects? Absolutely.  But just because I have an opinion doesn't mean I need to share it.  Jesus said in Matthew 10:16, "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible said, "I send you, inoffensive and harmless, into a cold, unfriendly, and cruel world. Your innocence will not be a protection.  Probably the thing in which Christ directed his followers to imitate the serpent was in its caution in avoiding danger. No animal equals them in the rapidity and skill which they evince in escaping danger. So said Christ to his disciples, You need caution and wisdom in the midst of a world that will seek your lives. He directs them, also, to be harmless, not to provoke danger, not to do injury, and thus make their fellow-men justly enraged against them."

John Gill's Exposition of the Bible said, "The serpent is a very sharp sighted, cunning creature, and uses various arts and stratagems for its own preservation, and especially of its head; and is so far to be imitated by the followers of Christ, as to make use of all proper methods to preserve themselves from the insults and rage of men, and not expose themselves to unnecessary dangers: and, as much as in them lies, they should be careful to give no just occasion of offense, or irritate, and provoke them to use them ill, and to avoid all snares and traps that are laid for them; and, at the same time, maintain the innocence and harmlessness of the dove, being free from all wicked cunning and craftiness, without rancour, malice, and wrath; not meditating and seeking revenge, but meek and humble in their deportment, leading inoffensive lives, and proceeding in the course of their calling, though liable to many insults, and much oppression."

I have used this particular example several times on my blog.  It's more than just a cute little story, I really believe it's an important way to live:

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything,wrote in the sand:

"Today my best friend slapped me in the face."

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life."

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand, and to carve your benefits in stone.
~ Author Unknown

This blog is my stone. When someone hurts me, I won't be writing it here.  You won't find my political views here.  If you want my opinion, you'll need to ask me face to face because hot topics can easily be misunderstood and twisted on the world wide web.

 

The Apostle John wrote in 3 John 13-14, ""I had many things to write, but I will not with ink and pen write unto thee: But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face."

 

Writing with pen and ink cannot compare to speaking face to face.  Body language, voice inflection, and so much more is lost on paper or screen.  The "conversation" is one way, with no way to respond, defend or diffuse.

 

It's easy to send a text message, but not so easy to clean up the mess that may follow.  It's easy to hide behind a keyboard, but the wise Apostle John knew that speaking face to face was the higher road.

30 Days of Thanks, Day 21: Regret

Five years ago I wrote a post called "True Love Waits."    Here is part of what I wrote:

Les and I dated for fifteen months before we got engaged.  We were engaged for six months.  That's a total of twenty one months before we got married.  I think we'd been dating about two months when people started asking when we were going to get engaged.  One lady said, "I knew my husband for one week when we got engaged!"  Sadly, that marriage didn't survive.  While I was getting these types of questions on a regular basis, a wise person told me, "No one ever regrets waiting."  Truly, there was no rush for us.  Yes, we were "older" in the eyes of many - 25 when we met and 27 when we got married.  But here we are after nearly 24 years of marriage and I don't regret a thing.

I have a few regrets in my life, I'm thankful none of them are major.  Mostly I regret times when I've said something unkind.  The one benefit of regret - it can push us to change.  Regretting that cruel comeback will cause us to hold our tongue.  Regretting time spent with a toxic person leads us to avoid doing so in the future.  

I prefer to live my life with few regrets, it's definitely the easier route.  But for those times that I do regret, I'm thankful that I can change and do better.

30 Days of Thanks, Day 5: Cozy

The definition of the word cozy is "giving a feeling of comfort, warmth, and relaxation."  When I think cozy, I think a cool, rainy morning, sitting by a fire with a good book and a cup of coffee.  It's suppose to be 93 here today, not conducive to sitting cozily by the fire.  Good news is on it's way - the weather is suppose to turn completely around, with 60% chance of rain and a high of 55 on Saturday.  Bring on the cozy!

 

IF we get that rain, I'll be so thankful.  But what I'm really thankful for is a life that has been filled with warmth and comfort.  I know this is not the case around the world and I don't take it for granted.  I've always had a bed to sleep in, clothes and shoes (lots of shoes!) to wear, plenty of food to eat.  

 

I'm thankful for the warmth that the love of friends and family bring.  I don't have friends like Job's who were "miserable comforters."  I'm thankful for a warm welcome when I go to church.  

 

I'm thankful for Jesus, the Comforter, who said in Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."  I've felt that comfort in times of mourning.  He also said in John 14:18, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

 

2 Corinthians 1:4 says, "Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."  The Sermon Bible had this to say:

God brings His saints into pain, that they may be like what Christ was, and may be led to think of Him, not of themselves.  Taught by our own pain, our own sorrow, nay, by our own sin, we shall have hearts and minds exercised for every service of love towards those who need it. We shall in our measure be comforters after the image of the Almighty, and that in all senses of the word—advocates, assistants, soothing aids. Our words of advice, our very manner, voice, and look, will be gentle and tranquillizing, as of those who have borne their cross after Christ. We shall not pass by His little ones rudely, as the world does. The voices of the widow and the orphan, the poor and the destitute, will at once reach our ears, however low they speak. Our hearts will open towards them, our words and deeds befriend them. The ruder passions of man’s nature, pride and anger, envy and strife, which so disorder the Church, these will be quelled and brought under in others by the earnestness and kindness of our admonition. Thus, instead of being the selfish creatures that we were by nature, grace, acting through suffering, tends to make us ready teachers and witnesses of truth to all men. 

I'm thankful for a comfortable, cozy life, but I don't want to hoard those comforts, whether physical, spiritual, or emotional.  There are hurting people everywhere that need that comfort.

Guard Your Tongue (Mom's Bible Theme #2)

I had planned to write about prayer as the second theme from Mom's Bible.  I even started working on it this morning.  A trip to the grocery store changed direction for me...

For the first time since all this COVID-19 madness began, I got everything that was on my grocery list.  I commented about that to my checker.  She was a young lady and we chatted the entire time she was ringing up my purchases.  As I took my receipt from her, she said, "Thank you, I wish everyone was like you."  Her comment made me both happy and sad.

I've read numerous stories about workers being harassed by customers because of the situation we find ourselves in.  Grocery store workers have been targeted repeatedly, surely there is more toilet paper in the back of the store that is being hidden!  An ice cream shop opened for one day and the owner ended up closing it back up.  Customers were cruel and impatient, leaving his best employee in tears. 

I know I am not always kind.  My words have hurt others more than once.  I've also been hurt by words, more times than I want to remember.  Words are powerful.  Underlined in Mom's Bible is Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  She also underlined Psalm 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."  Next to that verse she wrote, "Be careful little mouth..."

As the youngest of four, it was not uncommon in our household for somebody to say something that made someone else mad or hurt their feelings.  When the episode escalated to the point of the hurt party running to Mom, her words to the offender were often: 

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

While I was looking through my blog for other thoughts on words, I found an old post entitled, "When to Listen and When to Tune Out."  I included a quote from Mom (not found in her Bible, but found in my memory) "Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see."

Ephesians 4:29-32 (also underlined in Mom's Bible) says:
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Here are some of the gems in Mom's Bible about words:

More people have been hurt by a careless tongue than by a sharp sword.

If I can't speak well of others then I need to remain silent.

When you speak, always remember that God is one of your hearers.

Speak and act in harmony with your prayers.

It is in the home we are treated the best and grumble the most.

Our words matter.  When we walk away from someone, what we have said sticks with them.  Will they said, "I wish everyone was like you," or "I hope I never have to talk to them again" ?

Living the Aloha Spirit

Yesterday was a day that really challenged our patience.  Les and I spent two weeks on Oahu and were ready to get home.  We arrived at the airport at 1:30 p.m. for our 3:35 flight.   We boarded on time as usual and then sat on the plane and waited.  And waited...

Almost two hours later we had to deplane due to a mechanical issue.  We were told we would received an update at 5:30.  5:30 came and went and we were told an update would come at 6:00.  In the meanwhile, I watched several of our crew members walk through our gate area, with their luggage.  "This can't be good," I told Les.  Flight attendants can only work a certain number of hours before they must leave work.  It's for their safety and for the safety of passengers.

We received an announcement around 6:15 letting us know that our flight was delayed until 8:30.  Our plane was ready but a new flight crew had to be scrambled together for our long flight. Our original flight was scheduled to arrive in Los Angeles at 11:00 p.m.  Our delayed flight was scheduled to arrive at 4:00 A.M.  Ouch!

Did I mention most of the restaurants in the airport were closed because food service workers were on strike?

Here's where Hawaiian Airlines made a difference:
Because the restaurants were closed they brought in snack boxes and water/juice for everyone.
Thirty minutes later they brought in sandwiches, chips, and more water/juice.
Shortly before we boarded our flight, they made an announcement that everyone was going to receive a $100 travel voucher.

I have been on delayed flights with other airlines many times.  Not once have we received any of the things Hawaiian Airlines provided.  We've sat for hours in terminals with nothing more than an insincere "sorry" and spent our own money on overpriced airport food.  The Hawaiian Airlines ground crew did a great job making everyone as comfortable as possible.

All the things they did to make us a little more comfortable didn't get us to Los Angeles any earlier.  It didn't make going to bed at 5:00 this morning hurt any less.  But it did make us feel like they considered us human beings, not just a nuisance that was filling their airplane.

The lesson here?  There are some things that are unpleasant that can't be avoided.  A mechanical issue on a plane is not something to ignore.  Patience and kindness go a long, long way.  Patience on our part as we waited was key.  Stamping my feet and hassling the gate agent wouldn't have gotten me home any quicker and it would have made everyone a little unhappier.  Kindness on the part of Hawaiian Airlines as they tried to get us on our way.  Their sincere apologies, the food and travel vouchers, all of that said they understood how inconvenient this was for everyone.  They embodied the "Aloha Spirit" that Hawaii is known for.

While working on this post, I found that there is actually a state law in Hawaii called "The Aloha Spirit" law.  It says in part, "These are traits of character that express the charm, warmth and sincerity of Hawaii's people. It was the working philosophy of native Hawaiians and was presented as a gift to the people of Hawaiʻi. ''Aloha'' is more than a word of greeting or farewell or a salutation. ''Aloha'' means mutual regard and affection and extends warmth in caring with no obligation in return. "Aloha" is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. ''Aloha'' means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen and to know the unknowable."

We live in an angry world.  People lash out because they are "offended" at every turn.  They want to coexist as long as you agree with them.  The Bible has much to say about how we are to treat our fellow man.  The Apostle Paul summed it up nicely in Colosians 3:12-14, "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness."

In this final shopping weekend before Christmas, while you're slipping on your shoes, don't forget to also put on mercy, kindness, meekness, longsuffering and charity.  It won't make the line move more quickly, but you will go home without the baggage of unkindness.

Drawing the Line

Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?  Is political correctness a useful concept, or does it stifle honest discussion?

I decided to combine these two writing prompts because I think they are very similar.  A quick Google search of "political correctness" brought up over 18 million results.  Merriam Webster defines political correctness as "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated."  The problem with political correctness is we are not all going to agree about what offends us.

What we really need to think about is what comes out of our mouths.  As I was thinking about this topic the phrase "the law of kindness" came to mind.  This comes from Proverbs chapter 31, the chapter about the virtuous woman.  Verse 26 says, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."  The commentaries on this verse are exceptional:

Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible:
She is discreet and obliging in all her discourse, not talkative, censorious, nor peevish, as some are, that know how to take pains; no, she opens her mouth with wisdom; when she does speak, it is with a great deal of prudence and very much to the purpose; you may perceive by every word she says how much she governs herself by the rules of wisdom. She not only takes prudent measures herself, but gives prudent advice to others; and this not as assuming the authority of a dictator, but with the affection of a friend and an obliging air: In her tongue is the law of kindness; all she says is under the government of that law. The law of love and kindness is written in the heart, but it shows itself in the tongue; if we are kindly affectioned one to another, it will appear by affectionate expression. It is called a law of kindness, because it gives law to others, to all she converses with. Her wisdom and kindness together put a commanding power into all she says; they command respect, they command compliance. How forcible are right words! In her tongue is the law of grace, or mercy (so some read it), understanding it of the word and law of God, which she delights to talk of among her children and servants. She is full of pious religious discourse, and manages it prudently, which shows how full her heart is of another world even when her hands are most busy about this world.

John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible:
When she opens her mouth, for it is not always open, she expresses herself in a discreet and prudent manner; as well as speaks of things not foolish and trifling, but of moment and importance, and of usefulness to others: or "concerning wisdom" (a); the church and people of Christ talk of the wisdom of God in the works of creation, providence, and redemption; of Christ, the Wisdom of God, and as made so to them; of the Gospel, the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom; and of wisdom in the hidden part, or the truth of grace in their souls; of their gracious experiences; nor will they suffer any foolish, filthy, and corrupt communication to proceed out of their mouths, but speak the pure language of Canaan; what is for the use of edifying, and being taken out of the Scriptures is profitable for instruction in righteousness.
"the law of love" (b), grace and mercy; which is the law of Christ, speaking kindly and tenderly to everyone, exhorting to acts of mercy and kindness, and doing them herself: or "the doctrine of grace is in her tongue" (c); the Gospel, which is called the Gospel of the grace of God, and the grace of God itself; it is the doctrine of the grace and love of God towards men in Christ, as it appears in their election in him and redemption by him; of the grace of Christ in his incarnation, sufferings, and death; and of the grace of the Spirit in regeneration, conversion, and sanctification; and which contains various doctrines of grace, as of justification, pardon of sin, and effectual calling; and of salvation itself, which is all of grace: and this doctrine of grace, in the several branches of it, the church, and all gracious souls, cannot forbear speaking of; it is often in their mouths, it dwells upon their tongues; and careful are they in other respects that their speech be seasoned with grace, and be such that ministers grace to the hearers. 

1599 Geneva Bible Translation Notes:
Her tongue is a book by which one might learn many good things: for she delights to talk of the word of God.

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible:
The words which come from the lips of the true wife are as a law giving guidance and instruction to those that hear them; but the law is not proclaimed in its sterner aspects, but as one in which “mercy tempers justice,” and love, the fulfilling of the law, is seen to be the source from which it springs.

In the book "God is No Stranger" that I received when I visited Haiti in 1983 there is a prayer that I find fitting to this topic:

Lord,
Help us not to talk too much - Because talking too much is like driving too fast.
Sometimes the brakes are not good, and we pass by the place where we intended to stop.
When we talk too much, we know we go beyond the truth and we lie.
We also know that speaking too much derails us from life's track.

We would be wise to not speak too much and when we do speak, let the law of kindness always govern our tongues.

Expectations

On my way to church yesterday morning I was listening to Sirius radio.  I bounced between Kirk Franklin's Praise (black gospel) and The Message (Contemporary Christian.)  The DJ on Praise was talking about forgiveness and resentment.  He really caught my attention when he said this:

So many scenarios went through my mind!  Times that my expectations have not been met, but they were expectations that I had never spoken.  The first rule of expectations:  People are NOT mind readers!  I'm well aware that people may not live up to your expectations even when they are spoken.  Your son's bed will not be made every morning, no matter how many times you tell him.  The dog's water bowl will be empty, the trash might start to smell... you get the idea!  But there are some things we can do...

When I was closing in on my final weeks of training for the Honolulu Marathon, I started thinking about the finish line.  I knew I would receive a medal, but I really thought it would be cool if Les was there with a lei.  I thought about it several times and finally reminded myself, "he is not a mind reader."  So I told him what I wanted!  He, of course, did not disappoint!  And he added an appointment for a wonderful massage... going beyond expectations!

We don't buy lots of gifts for birthdays, our anniversary, Valentine's Day or Christmas.  It's fine.  Spending time together is what really matters.  One year from now we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary - hard to believe!  We are already talking about what we want to do, where we want to go.  Les and Lance have been talking for years about riding their bikes across America.  It's on their bucket list.  Lance had floated the idea of doing it in 2016.  Les said, no can do - big anniversary that year.  We talked about it and I said something like, "You know, I could probably say go ahead and do it, but I would end up with my feelings really hurt."  Les had no plans of actually doing it next year, so maybe they'll do that bike ride in 2017.

Les was telling me about a trend for business lunches.  When a group goes out, the first person to look at their cell phone picks up the bill.  I love this idea!  If you invite me out to lunch, I expect that you want to talk to me, not check your phone every 15 seconds.  If you are expecting an important call, please say so and I'll understand.  I think this would be a great idea any group going out - focus on the ones you are with, not those who couldn't make it.

Just sayin'...

Natural Temperament

Some of the commentary about Martha and Mary has really had my mind working.  Matthew Henry pointed out the two different temperaments of the sisters, "and the temptations and advantages of each."  God created us with natural tendencies, but our fallen nature can cause trouble no matter what feels natural.  He went on to say, "it will be our wisdom carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  He didn't mention trying to improve anyone else's natural temper - that is an exercise in futility!  A Commentary on the Old and New Testaments by Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown said, "Both are needed, each to be the complement of the other."

Respect for the natural temperament of others is vitally important for any healthy relationship.  Sometimes those natural temperaments aren't easily apparent, but in time we learn.  Let me give you an example using singers:

A children's choir usually just sings unison.  There are no apparent sopranos, altos or tenors.  They have two ways to sing, soft or loud, which often means yelling!

 

At some point most of us move up to a youth choir and start realizing we can sing parts.  There will be some girls who can't reach the high parts any longer - they are naturally altos.  The young men go back and forth from lead to tenor as their voices change, and some never can sing tenor - they are naturally basses.  And then there are ladies like me who sing soprano.  I can sing alto, but it's very unnatural.  If I'm singing alto during service - the song is probably in a very high key, or I have a cold!

By the time we reach adult choir status, our natural parts are firmly in our minds.  A choir that sings three part harmony sounds very beautiful.  When all the parts join in unison, it sounds nice, and then the parts come back in a powerful way.  Sometimes the choir director will have the parts flip - everyone is singing a part that is unnatural, but it gives a new punch!  And we're all happy (and sometimes relieved) when we go back to our natural parts.

In all of this, if the sopranos started complaining that the altos and tenors needed to sing soprano, we would all think they were silly.  Altos need to sing alto!  Tenors need to sing tenor!  And sopranos need to own their soprano part!  A choir takes natural ability, blends it together, respects differences, and comes out with a beautiful sound.

So when it comes to our natural temperaments, we need to work on blending with others who are different from us.  All types are needed, to be the complement of the others.

I'll use myself as an example here.  My natural temperament is somewhat reserved and quiet.  (Yes, really!)  I need quiet time.  I enjoy spending time with friends and family, but there comes a point that I need quiet.  I've been misunderstood plenty through the years, and I've tried many times to suppress that need, but that has backfired at times.  My spirit needs quiet.  I've been running for years.  It was only when I started training for my first marathon that I started running with music and that was only on my weekly long run.  I can run for an hour or more with just my thoughts for company and come home refreshed.  Most of the time in our home we don't have a radio or stereo playing - we're content with quiet.

I also understand that not everyone is like me.  There are people who thrive on crowds.  They want to share everything about themselves and want to know everything about everyone else.  I enjoy those kinds of people, even though I know I am not like them.  I can be talkative and friendly, but after a while I just run out of words and my ears are tired!  I'm not in a bad mood or upset, I just need quiet.  (I do realize these are just two types of the many people on this planet!)

I know there I times I need to move beyond my personal preferences.  I make an effort to speak to guests in our church, even though it doesn't come naturally.  I'd be content to let others take that role, but I know this is important whether it's comfortable or not.  On the flip side, I have heard many times that a friend can talk to me and know that I am not going to repeat anything that has been said in confidence.  My quiet nature means I know when to keep quiet.

Our natural temperament is never an excuse to be unkind to others.  "That's just the way I am," does not excuse rudeness.  "I just say how I feel," is never acceptable when we have been demeaning, hurtful, or unkind.  As Matthew Henry said, we must "carefully to watch against the temptations, and improve the advantages, of our natural temper."  

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, the Apostle Paul gave us a beautiful illustration of being one body with many members.  Just remember this - God set the members as it pleased him.

For the body is not one member, but many.
If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
And if they were all one member, where were the body?
But now are they many members, yet but one body.
And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Boy Turns Winning Prize into Gifts for Needy Children

The above headline caught my attention this morning.  USAToday reports that after winning a $160 tablet from his school fundraiser, nine-year-old Jarrett cashed in his new gift and bought gifts for needy children.  He took tags from his school's Angel Tree.

"Jarrett bought Christmas gifts for 15 children. Among the gifts: a blanket to keep a little girl warm, books to make an 11-year-old smile and toy trucks for a special someone. He got more than $300 worth of merchandise because of sales and using coupons."

In a time when headlines are full of violence, protests, and politics, it's wonderful to see a young boy that understands what the season is about.   "Giving is the right thing to do even if you really, really want it, because you know that another kid might really, really need it."

John 3:16 says  "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."   I'm so glad for the precious gift from God because I really, really needed it!

It Is Better

My Bible reading today included Proverbs 21:9, "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."  I read it to Les and he said, "or a bawling woman."  I don't want to be a brawling woman or associate with one!  I turned to eSword for a little extra commentary on this verse:

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible:  A wide house - literally, “a house of companionship,” i. e., a house shared with her. The flat roof of an Eastern house was often used for retirement by day, or in summer for sleep by night. The corner of such a roof was exposed to all changes of weather, and the point of the proverb lies in the thought that all winds and storms which a man might meet with there are more endurable than the tempest within.

John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible:  It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,.... The roofs of houses in Judea were that, encompassed with battlements, whither persons might retire for solitude, and sit in safety: and it is better to be in a corner of such a roof alone, and be exposed to scorching heat, to blustering winds, to thunder storms and showers of rain,

than with a brawling woman in a wide house; large and spacious, full of rooms, fit for a numerous family: or, "an house of society"; where many families might dwell and live sociably with each other; or a house where a man, his wife and family, might dwell together, and have communion with each other; it is opposed to the corner of the housetop, and the solitariness of it; as the scolding of the brawling woman, or "a woman of contentions", who is always noisy and quarrelsome, her violent passions, her storming language, and thundering voice, are to the inclemencies of the heavens, to which a man on the housetop is exposed; and yet these are more eligible than the other.

Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible:  What a great affliction it is to a man to have a brawling scolding woman for his wife, who upon every occasion, and often upon no occasion, breaks out into a passion, and chides either him or those about her, is fretful to herself and furious to her children and servants, and, in both, vexatious to her husband. If a man has a wide house, spacious and pompous, this will embitter the comfort of it to him - a house of society (so the word is), in which a man may be sociable, and entertain his friends; this will make both him and his house unsociable, and unfit for enjoyments of true friendship. It makes a man ashamed of his choice and his management, and disturbs his company.

What many a man is forced to do under such an affliction. He cannot keep up his authority. He finds it to no purpose to contradict the most unreasonable passion, for it is unruly and rages so much the more; and his wisdom and grace will not suffer him to render railing for railing, and therefore he finds it his best way to retire into a corner of the house-top, and sit alone there, out of the hearing of her clamour; and if he employ himself well there, as he may do, it is the wisest course he can take. Better do so than quit the house, and go into bad company, for diversion, as many, who, like Adam, make their wife's sin the excuse of their own.

I don't want to send Les to the housetop!  I want it to be said of me, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

From Gross To Grace

A post on Kristin Armstrong's blog this morning talked about going for a run when she was mad.  She said, "In an effort to move beyond fire-breathing-dragon status this morning, I did what had to be done. I ran."  She doesn't say how far or how long she ran, but she finally determined it was safe to walk home.

Further on she says, " I have to wonder, how do people who don't run handle their flame?  How else can you get from gross to grace without causing permanent damage?"  Even as a runner, I know the answer is not a good run, but a good prayer meeting.  A good run can help me sort my thoughts, but on my knees is where the true victory happens.

Harder than running a marathon.  Much tougher than competing in a triathlon.  More difficult than climbing Mount Everest.  It's called the taming of the tongue.  The tiny member that is capable of causing permanent damage.

James chapter 3, verses 3-10 has much to say about this subject:

Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.  Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!  And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.  For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:  But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.  Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.  Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

I like how the Message puts it:

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!  It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Sometimes You've Got to Sweat the Small Stuff

Last week when Les and I were riding our bikes together I had major problems with my chain. It kept slipping off the chainring, even when I wasn't shifting. It got to the point that I would pedal about five strokes and it would pop off again. Very frustrating.


Thursday night Les took my chainring apart. He thought it just needed to be cleaned. When he got to my smallest chainring (there are three) he discovered that two of the teeth were bent. These two little bent teeth, on my smallest chainring, caused my chain to stretch. Over the course of almost 1300 miles, the chain had stretched the point that it would not stay on the chainring anymore.


Myka is all put back together now. She has a new chainring and new chain. For over a year I've ridden that bike and struggled with shifting problems. I thought it was ME! But all along it's been those two little bent teeth...


James, the apostle, half brother to Jesus, had a little bit to say about small stuff:

5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

How many people have had their confidence slowly eroded because of little snide remarks? Oh but it's a just a small thing. Just a little joke. Is it really? There is always a shred of truth in someone's joke. Some people who use their razor sharp tongue to slash are also quick to apologize. But once the words are out, the chain is stretched a little more.


Galatians 5:15 says, "But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another." Some other translations say: "But if you criticize and attack each other, be careful that you don’t destroy each other." "If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other." "If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

Sounds like we need to sweat the small stuff after all.