65 Years

Today is my Mom and Dad's Anniversary. If they were still living they would be celebrating their 65th!  They were quite young when they tied the knot - Dad was 20 and Mom was 18!

I'm so glad they loved each other...


And their kids...


And they were thrilled to become grandparents!




We never had to wonder if Dad was going to take his paycheck and spend it before he made it home. Or if Mom was going to disappear while we were all at school.



No, our home wasn't perfect, but it was a safe place. Filled with laughter and some tough times, but through it all, we loved each other.




I'm so thankful for my wonderful parents!

The Peace of God

I'm continuing my look back at the changes that occurred in our life ten years ago this month...

 

I don't have much to add to this post.  I'll just call it my Paul Harvey post, "and now you know the rest of the story..."

 

My post yesterday was really the end of a chapter.  Today, I'll tell you about the chapters we have lived since September.  In September we had our annual Youth Alive services.  That Friday night the choir sang "Cover Me" by Mark Condon:

Peace of God, cover me
Cover me, cover me
Peace of God, cover me
Through the storm, cover me.

Only in You I am safe
Only in You I'm secure
Only in You I find peace
So cover me, cover me 

Cover me when I am hurting
Cover me when I'm not strong
Cover me when I am going through the storm
Cover me when it all seems hopeless
Cover me when my faith is gone
Let the peace that passes all I understand

As I stood on the platform singing, I thought of friends who were hurting.  I sang for them.  But sometime in that song I felt like I was singing for me.  I didn't know it that night, but my life was getting ready to be stormy and I would need peace like never before.  I haven't blogged about every part of the storm we went through, but here it is...

Peace of God, cover me

Cover me, cover me

On the following Saturday, September 15th, Dad was hospitalized in Fresno, then transferred to San Francisco.  This started a very long journey that we are still on today.  Dad spent 7 1/2 weeks in San Francisco (hospitals and rehab center) before returning to Fresno.  He was back in San Francisco in December for surgery and is now back in Fresno.  (I'll just add here that my Dad passed away on March 5, 2013.  We were home from our second trip to Hawaii and I was able to spend several days with him.  I still miss him very much!)

Peace of God, cover me

Through the storm, cover me.

On the weekend of October 7-8, Les and I traveled to Fresno.  That Saturday Kim and I drove to San Francisco to visit Dad.  On Sunday morning, Les and I went to church in Truth Tabernacle.  We drove home that afternoon with plenty of time to make it to church that evening.  When we got home, we discovered that our house had been broken into.  Nothing was taken, the police said they were looking for cash and jewelry.  But it was a horrible feeling!

Only in You I am safe

Only in You I'm secure

Only in You I find peace

On October 22nd, Les was laid off his job.  In today's economy, we knew it might be a while before he found something else.  That ended up being three months.  But during that time, everyone of our needs were met.  We paid our bills, we had food on the table.  We were covered.

Cover me when I am hurting

Cover me when I'm not strong

Cover me when I am going through the storm

The same week that Les was laid off, Dad had his worst week in San Francisco.  For several days we were very concerned that his body was just shutting down.  His chemicals were completely out of balance.  The doctors were concerned about his heart.  After a few days back in the hospital, he started doing better and returned to the rehab center.

Cover me when it all seems hopeless

Here we are four months later and the peace of God has covered us through the storm.  There were days that I felt I was barely hanging on, but the peace would come.  Days when I worried, until I prayed and found peace again.  It's been a journey, but one that I never walked by myself.

Cover me when my faith is gone

Let the peace that passes all I understand

 Peace of God, cover me

Cover me, cover me

Peace of God, cover me

Through the storm, cover me.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 4:7

Repost: Flip Your Change, Dad

Father's Day is this coming Sunday.  I was blessed with a wonderful Dad!  I was definitely Daddy's girl and I miss him dearly.  I wrote this post in 2017 but was reminded of it on Sunday.  The little things that we do, those that don't take a lot of time and effort, really do make a difference.

I don't remember exactly how or when it started, but Dad had a little game that he played with Rod and me.  We were young teenagers without jobs or cars.  Dad came home one Friday night with a bunch of change in his pocket.  I asked if I could have it.  Of course Rod wanted it, too.

"Flip your change, Dad."

This became a Friday evening tradition.  Dad in his chair.  Rod and me on the floor at his feet. Heads or tails.  Mine or yours.  Much groaning and gloating ensued depending on which way the coin landed.  But there was also laughter, so much laughter as the three of us watched each penny, nickle, dime and quarter land on the floor.

"Flip your change, Dad."

 

Dad could have easily said, "Just split the money evenly."  He could have been done with us in seconds and gone back to relaxing in his chair with the paper.  Mom was somewhere nearby, smiling as the three of us spent time doing something so small together.

"Flip your change, Dad."

I'm the only one remaining in our family who was part of that tradition.  I don't know who got the most money each week.  And it really didn't matter.  That was just a small part of what was happening.  We were making memories that lasted.  The bond we shared over a couple dollars in change is one that I think about often. 

"Flip your change, Dad."

I wonder as his work week was winding down, did he start collecting a little extra change so he'd have more to flip?  He never ended the week without change.  It was a fun time for Rod and me, but I think it was just as much fun for Dad.  We were at the age where many kids start pulling away from their parents, but our relationship grew stronger in those moments over a few coins being flipped in the air.

"Flip your change, Dad."

Never think that if you can't offer a grand gesture, you shouldn't do anything at all.  Small things are building blocks in any relationship.

"Flip your change, Dad."

Grandparents Day

Happy Grandparents Day to any of my readers who have grandchildren.  I was blessed to know five of my grandparents.  Both of Mom's grandmothers were still living while I was growing up, along with Mom's mom and Dad's mom and dad!  I think the bond with grandparents is very special and I'm grateful for mine.

One of my earliest posts was called, "When Mom Became Grandma."  Mom wrote in her Grandmother's Memories book:  "When I first became a grandmother, I felt like a Queen. I couldn't stop grinning; I got 3 grandbabies in 10 weeks! Ryan, Krysten & Lauren."  Ryan was born on January 11th (his daddy's birthday) and Krysten and Lauren showed up 7 weeks before their due date on March 20th.

 

Grandparents Day has brought a new emotion this year.  It started with a text I received about a month ago from my niece, Lauren:

My heart is overflowing with excitement!  Lauren and Jordan got married in January of this year and now they are going to make my sister a grandmother and I get to be Great Aunt Kathy!  It seems like yesterday that they were this tiny:

62 Years

Today, October 3rd, would have been my Mom and Dad's 62nd wedding anniversary.   I wrote about them two years ago - This young couple was married on a Friday evening in Visalia, California:

They did not always agree, but they didn't fight in front of us kids. Any time two people marry, there will be disagreements, but how those disagreements are handled makes all the difference. I never heard my parents yell at each other. Dad once said, "Marriage is a lot of work" - and they kept working at it.

They did the best they could for all four of their children. We weren't wealthy, but we always had enough. I never went to bed hungry - even if Mom fixed something I didn't like, she would fix something else to make sure I ate something. I always had a roof over my head, clean clothes on my back, and shoes on my feet.

Mom stayed home with us kids so the majority of the discipline fell on her shoulders. Dad never tried to change whatever punishment was handed out.  "Go ask your mother," was a common reply when we were trying to get away with something - Dad definitely had us figured out! Whether they agreed or not, they supported each other in those decisions. None of us kids have spent time in jail, so I guess it worked!

They took time for each other. I remember Grandma Luella (Mom's mom) staying with us on more than one occasion when we were young, so Mom and Dad could go away for their anniversary.

Dad was completely in tune with Mom during her last months. I was in their home the night before she passed away. Mom was in bed in their bedroom. More times than I can remember, Dad would jump up, go down the hall, and back to their room. HE heard Mom calling him, while Kim and I didn't hear a thing. His care for her was amazing until her last breath.

If they were both still alive today, I have no doubt that they would have still been married.  I'm so thankful for these two and miss them so much!

Flashback Friday ~ Press On

I went for a run this morning and I heard an old song.  "Press On" by Billy Sprague has a great beat and the words are so encouraging.  I wrote this post just a few weeks after my Dad passed away.   While I'm not grieving like I was then, this song is still an encouragement to me.  2020 has been a year like no other in my lifetime, but we still need to press on.  Tie your shoes, my dear friend, and press on!

My heart has been very heavy the past couple of days. I'm not a stranger to loss or grief, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt.  I think the initial shock of losing Dad is wearing off, along with the pain of his final days, and the reality of my loss is sinking in.

I headed out for a run this morning carrying that heaviness.  I turned on my iPod and tried to outrun it.  About 3 1/2 miles in, I heard this song:

I was down in the valley
Of the shadow of death
Where the passion for life
Drained like blood from my chest
And it took more than my will just to
Take a step
When the compass of hope
Was gone

In a silence so black
That I wished for the blues
Every desperate prayer
Seemed like Heaven refused
And some days I found faith meant just
Tyin' my shoes
And it was all I could do
To press on

Press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
Through the darkness 'til dawn...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on, come on

On the ocean so lonesome I was not left alone
Had some heavenly friends
When my heart was a stone
And they carried the heartache and
Made it their own
When the currents of sorrow were strong

And one said
"I pray your memories will not drag you down
Not be anchors but treasures
Of the love that you've found"
And His kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow
And a wind in my sails
To press on

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on

Though the days seem like years...
There may be giants in our fears...
Ah, but they who sow in tears
They shall reap in joy
They shall run and leap for joy!

So press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery...
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Lean on me, my dear friend
And press on me amigo
Press on mon ami
Walk on in the face
Of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
And the journey is long...
Tie your shoes, my dear friend
And press on!

~"Press On" by Billy Sprague

I was thankful that it was still a bit dark out as the tears poured down my face.  I listened to the song a second time with more tears streaming.  I know I'm not alone is this journey.  Dear friends are walking this road as well, others are facing sorrow of a different kind.  All I know to do is tie my shoes and press on.

October 3, 1958

Sixty years ago this young couple was married on a Friday evening in Visalia, California:

Ten years ago I wrote this:

They did not always agree, but they didn't fight in front of us kids. Any time two people marry, there will be disagreements, but how those disagreements are handled makes all the difference. I never heard my parents yell at each other. Dad once said, "Marriage is a lot of work" - and they kept working at it.

They did the best they could for all four of their children. We weren't wealthy, but we always had enough. I never went to bed hungry - even if Mom fixed something I didn't like, she would fix something else to make sure I ate something. I always had a roof over my head, clean clothes on my back, and shoes on my feet.

Mom stayed home with us kids so the majority of the discipline fell on her shoulders. Dad never tried to change whatever punishment was handed out.  "Go ask your mother," was a common reply when we were trying to get away with something - Dad definitely had us figured out! Whether they agreed or not, they supported each other in those decisions. None of us kids have spent time in jail, so I guess it worked!

They took time for each other. I remember Grandma Luella (Mom's mom) staying with us on more than one occasion when we were young, so Mom and Dad could go away for their anniversary.

Dad was completely in tune with Mom during her last months. I was in their home the night before she passed away. Mom was in bed in their bedroom. More times than I can remember, Dad would jump up, go down the hall, and back to their room. HE heard Mom calling him, while Kim and I didn't hear a thing. His care for her was amazing until her last breath.

If they were both still alive today, I have no doubt that they would have still been married.  I'm so thankful for these two and miss them so much!

1964: Secure in Love

A few highlights of the year in which I was born:

President: Lyndon B. Johnson who was quickly sworn in as President on Air Force One in Dallas on November 22, 1963, just 2 hours and 8 minutes after John F. Kennedy was assassinated, amid suspicions of a conspiracy against the government.  He was elected president in his own right on November 3, 1964.

Average Cost of new house $13,050.00
Average Income per year $6,000.00
Gas per Gallon 30 cents
Average Cost of a new car $3,500.00
Loaf of bread 21 cents

The United States was engaged in the Vietnam War.  The Boston Strangler, Albert DeSalvo, was captured.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed into law by President Johnson. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr received the Nobel Peace Prize. The first Beatles US Album Release "Introducing the Beatles," was released on January 10th.  The first Ford Mustang from Ford Motor Company was made.  The most powerful earthquake in U.S. history at a magnitude of 9.2, struck South Central Alaska.  U.S. Surgeon General reported that smoking may lead to lung cancer (can you believe people still smoke 54 years later?)

As you can see, I arrived in a world full of turmoil.  I don't have my own memories of 1964, only what is recorded in my baby book.  There are quite a few sweet notes that Mom jotted down about me:

The smiles started showing before the end of the first month and laughing aloud was commonplace in another month.  Rodney is her idol, if she has one. 
Kathy's laugh is identical to Rodney's.  Real deep, like she really is tickled.
Kathy turned over from back to tummy today - May 11 - she is just 2 weeks old.  We want to keep her an infant but that is an impossibility.
She has started to notice people now - 5 months.  Anyone she's not sure of gets a mighty cold welcome - a stare.  If left alone she'll make friends in a few minutes.  As long as she's on Mama's lap, she loves everyone.
Kathy has the curls in the family.  Her hair looks like spun gold.

Dada is Kathy's first word.  This was said on October 15, age 5 1/2 months.  The others all said Mama first!  Wonder if she'll be a Daddy's girl - she's not now. (I was definitely a Daddy's girl.)
This has been a busy month.  6 months, 2 days, she pulled to a standing position in the crib.
Kathy has a walker - whoever invented this device should be shot.  It's not enough to crawl everywhere, now she can clear the end tables! (This is one of my favorites!)

The sweetest thing Mom wrote in my baby book was, "Kathy is the fulfillment of our fondest dreams, a family of two girls and two boys." Mom was 24 years old, the mother of four.  Rod was diagnosed with hemophilia after Mom was pregnant with me.  Life was uncertain and often difficult, but she was thrilled to have her baby girl.

My heart breaks when I hear of children raised in homes where they don't feel wanted.  No child is an accident.  When God forms the child in the womb, He is not making a mistake.  I don't take the love my parents had for me for granted, just like I never want to take God's love for me for granted.  "The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee."  Jeremiah 31:3.

I'm thankful that in 1964 I was born into home where I was wanted and loved.

What We Tell Our Daughters

Headlines for months now have been filled with stories of men in power abusing women (and in some cases abusing men.)  The hashtag #MeToo has gained much attention.  Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" is the "Silence Breakers" who spoke out about the widespread abuse.  It seems once the doors opened a crack they were thrown off their hinges.

Sadly, abuse is nothing new.  We find it in the book of Genesis with the story of Dinah, the only daughter of Jacob.  There is also the story of King David's daughter, Tamar.  Matthew Henry's commentary of the story of Tamar is outstanding.  He introduced the story with this, "We have here a particular account of the abominable wickedness of Amnon in ravishing his sister, a subject not fit to be enlarged upon nor indeed to be mentioned without blushing, that ever any man should be so vile, especially that a son of David should be so.  Can he entertain the thought of betraying that virtue and honor of which, as a brother, he ought to have been the protector?" (You can read my full post about Tamar here.)

I have never personally experienced sexual harassment of any type.  I have had several male bosses but not once was I subjected to any abuse or harassment.  I do have a story about abuse that I believed formed me...

My Mom's dad passed away when I was about 18 months old.  I don't really have any memories of him.  He smoked a pipe and oddly whenever I smell pipe smoke I think of him.  All I know of him were things Mom told me about him.  He was a hard man - he worked hard, but he was also hard towards his family.  Mom told many stories of how he mistreated Grandma Luella.  His abuse included emotional and physical (including broken bones.)

Every time, without fail, that Mom would talk about Grandpa's abuse she followed it up with this:  "I told your Dad he might hit me once but I wouldn't be around for the second time."  I can't tell you how many times I heard that from her.  It was a strong statement that I believe she would have followed through on.  My Dad was never abusive so this was never actually an issue in our home.  Mom did not let the cycle of abuse continue in her life.

What we tell our daughters (and sons) makes a difference.  No one should be afraid to go to work or school or church.  But more importantly they should not be afraid to tell someone if abuse happens.  We must tell them, "don't be around for the second time."  I understand that it is not simple, but with the support of loved ones, escape is possible.

Everything Dad

Happy Father's Day to any dads reading!

Everything Dad

A little girl needs her daddy
To love her with manly charm,
To soothe her when she's hurt,
And keep her safe from harm.

A girl needs her dad
To show her a man who's good,
To help her make right choices,
As only a father could.

A woman needs her father
Just to be aware,
He'll always be there for her
To sustain her and to care.

You've been all these things, Dad.
I hope that you can see
How much I treasure you;
You mean everything to me.
- Joanna Fuchs

This poem sums up how I feel about my Dad.  I sure do miss him!

Flip Your Change, Dad

I don't remember exactly how or when it started, but Dad had a little game that he played with Rod and me.  We were young teenagers without jobs or cars.  Dad came home one Friday night with a bunch of change in his pocket.  I asked if I could have it.  Of course Rod wanted it, too.

"Flip your change, Dad."

This became a Friday evening tradition.  Dad in his chair.  Rod and me on the floor at his feet. Heads or tails.  Mine or yours.  Much groaning and gloating ensued depending on which way the coin landed.  But there was also laughter, so much laughter as the three of us watched each penny, nickle, dime and quarter land on the floor.

"Flip your change, Dad."

Dad could have easily said, "Just split the money evenly."  He could have been done with us in seconds and gone back to relaxing in his chair with the paper.  Mom was somewhere nearby, smiling as the three of us spent time doing something so small together.

"Flip your change, Dad."

I'm the only one remaining in our family who was part of that tradition.  I don't know who got the most money each week.  And it really didn't matter.  That was just a small part of what was happening.  We were making memories that lasted.  The bond we shared over a couple dollars in change is one that I think about often. 

"Flip your change, Dad."

I wonder as his work week was winding down, did he start collecting a little extra change so he'd have more to flip?  He never ended the week without change.  It was a fun time for Rod and me, but I think it was just as much fun for Dad.  We were at the age where many kids start pulling away from their parents, but our relationship grew stronger in those moments over a few coins being flipped in the air.

"Flip your change, Dad."

Never think that if you can't offer a grand gesture, you shouldn't do anything at all.  Small things are building blocks in any relationship.

"Flip your change, Dad."

The Gift of Time

It's Father's Day week and of course the Father's Day gift ideas are flowing into my email box.  My Dad was a hard worker but he always found the time for his family.  I wrote about it on his 71st birthday in the early days of this blog...

I can think of so many "Dadisms" - his little sayings and the way he said them - but the thing that comes to mind is his great love for his family. An example is when Rod broke his femur when he was about 11. Because of Rod's hemophilia, the doctors could not operate to put a pin in the bone (they may have not even done that back then), so he spent about 6 weeks in the hospital with his leg in traction until the bone could begin mending (then another 6-8 weeks in a body cast). Dad would come home from work every night, hurriedly shower and eat dinner, then we'd be off to the hospital. EVERY.NIGHT. No matter how hard he worked that day, how tired he was, he wasn't going to let his little boy spend the evening in the hospital by himself.

Dad has rescued each of his kids and granddaughters when we've had car trouble, ran out of gas, or locked our keys in the car. He was a truck driver for many years, so if you need directions to anywhere in California, ask Dad! You will not get lost IF you follow his directions. The day of Kim's wedding, we were all there except the twins. They called Kim, not sure where they were. The phone went to Dad. After a few moments of listening (another thing he does well - he listens), he told them exactly how to get to us.

For my entire childhood, we always had donuts on Saturday morning. It was one of our traditions. Dad would go to Eddy's Pastries in Fresno. Being kids (and picky!) all four of us had our favorites and Dad would make sure we each got our desired donut(s). As kids we were always up before he went to get them, but as teenagers he'd come wake us up to get our order. Our teenage response to "Do you want a donut this morning?" was usually, "No, I want more sleep!" But when we would finally drag ourselves out of bed, our usual orders would be there!

My Dad would have done anything he could for us, but he somehow understood that the gift of time was the greatest gift he could give.