Happy Birthday to My Hero!

My dear brother, Rod, would have turned 62 today.  I've written about him so many times.  He is still greatly missed!  This is my original post from September 22, 2008. 

Rodney coaxes her, she is practically his shadow. These two are really close, in every way."
- From My Baby book

The last few days I've been thinking of how we react to unexpected tragedies or difficulties. Whether it be the Metrolink crash or Hurricane Ike, the same response occurs. After the initial shock, the media starts reporting on how it could have been avoided or who was at fault. We humans have a hard time accepting that bad things happen, even to good people.

Going on a school field trip in a wheelchair

As I was thinking through a post on this subject, I kept thinking of Rod.

Valley Children's Hospital in Fresno some times felt like our second home.

 

 

 Rodney Dean Fultz was born on March 5, 1963, just 13 months before I came along. Within the first year of his life, it was discovered that Rod was a hemophiliac or a "bleeder" as he was commonly called. In spite of many, many difficulties and hospitalizations, Rod was an overcomer. I think God gave him an extra dose of grit in place of the clotting factor found in most humans!

What a brother he was! He had an incredible wit. You never got the last word with Rod. He had a comeback for anything you threw his way. I know, because this was the source of many fights between the two of us! As we got older, he knew when he was about to push me over the edge and would say something that would just crack me up.

Kindergarten class picture with a black eye!

 

Hearing him sing was a powerful experience. The second verse of "I'm Just Warming Up" with the words "all my pain and sorrow, up there I will forget", could not have been sung with more power or passion by anyone else.

If anyone had the "right" to question his circumstances or try to find someone to blame, it was Rod. But I can still hear him, not many months before his death, as we spoke about all he had been through in his life. He said, "Kathy, whenever I'm tempted to question or feel sorry for myself, I just read the book of Job. I can't complain."

One of many Easter dramas he performed in.

 

One definition of shadow is an inseparable companion or follower. Rod's example of facing life's difficulties is one I want to follow. I knew even as a baby, he was someone I wanted to "shadow".

To my friends who knew Rod, I hope you enjoy this photo walk down memory lane as much as I did! And whenever I hear "Jingle Bell Rock" I remember the Christmas when Rod and I entertained the family, he with his "crutch guitar" and me with some fancy moves!!

So much love and laughter in this shot!

God gave him music so he could pray without words.

The Measure of Success

I started reading the book of Joshua this morning.  Chapter 1 verse 8 says, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success."

I spent a couple of hours working in the yard this morning and was thinking about what I wanted to write about this verse.  I came in and saw the headline that O.J. Simpson had passed away.  Success, O.J. and my brother, Rod, will always be tied together in my mind.

On June 12, 1994, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were brutally murdered. Nicole's former husband, O.J. Simpson, was charged with the murders. On Friday, June 17th, instead of turning himself in, O.J. became the object of a low-speed pursuit in a white Ford Bronco SUV.

The next day, Rod and I talked about this on the phone. It seemed many were in shock that someone "so great" could commit such a horrible crime. Rod told me, "Kathy, that's why you have to be careful who you make your heroes. You can't choose athletes as heroes. They might do great things on the field, but that doesn't make them great people. True heroes are people of God."

That was the last conversation we had, as Rod passed away the following Wednesday. Those words resonate in me still. We have to be so careful whom we choose to admire.  I have thought about those words so many times through the years.

 

There is probably no greater contrast to OJ, the famous football player, than Rod. I doubt that Rod ever weighed more than 125 pounds, his body was weak, with a pronounced limp from a fall in his childhood. But the man he was inside, that man stood tall and strong. He didn't take the things of God lightly. He cared about people. He ministered in song. And from the many comments I have received on posts about him, he ministered to people just by being himself.

 

David Guzik's Enduring Word Commentary says about Joshua 1:8, "God’s Word so lived is a guarantee of Christian success. Not that it promises a life without problems, but it does insure a life able to deal with anything, because it takes full advantage of God’s presence and promises.  And Christian success is not measured by the same standards as the world’s success. Even if the world accounts us as sheep for the slaughter, we are actually more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:36-37)."

 

It's not our bank accounts, careers or celebrity status that makes us successful.  Getting God's Word in our minds, in our hearts and in our actions will lead the way to an overcoming life with good success.

Repost: Crying Over Jingle Bell Rock

I originally wrote this post in 2009, the second year of my blog's existence.  I thought I had re-posted it a bunch of times, but I've only re-posted it twice.  So here it is again...

I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!

Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.

I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.

I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.

You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links (this morning in 2022 that number is over 16 million!) My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that bring my loss to mind.

If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.

Repost: Flip Your Change, Dad

Father's Day is this coming Sunday.  I was blessed with a wonderful Dad!  I was definitely Daddy's girl and I miss him dearly.  I wrote this post in 2017 but was reminded of it on Sunday.  The little things that we do, those that don't take a lot of time and effort, really do make a difference.

I don't remember exactly how or when it started, but Dad had a little game that he played with Rod and me.  We were young teenagers without jobs or cars.  Dad came home one Friday night with a bunch of change in his pocket.  I asked if I could have it.  Of course Rod wanted it, too.

"Flip your change, Dad."

This became a Friday evening tradition.  Dad in his chair.  Rod and me on the floor at his feet. Heads or tails.  Mine or yours.  Much groaning and gloating ensued depending on which way the coin landed.  But there was also laughter, so much laughter as the three of us watched each penny, nickle, dime and quarter land on the floor.

"Flip your change, Dad."

 

Dad could have easily said, "Just split the money evenly."  He could have been done with us in seconds and gone back to relaxing in his chair with the paper.  Mom was somewhere nearby, smiling as the three of us spent time doing something so small together.

"Flip your change, Dad."

I'm the only one remaining in our family who was part of that tradition.  I don't know who got the most money each week.  And it really didn't matter.  That was just a small part of what was happening.  We were making memories that lasted.  The bond we shared over a couple dollars in change is one that I think about often. 

"Flip your change, Dad."

I wonder as his work week was winding down, did he start collecting a little extra change so he'd have more to flip?  He never ended the week without change.  It was a fun time for Rod and me, but I think it was just as much fun for Dad.  We were at the age where many kids start pulling away from their parents, but our relationship grew stronger in those moments over a few coins being flipped in the air.

"Flip your change, Dad."

Never think that if you can't offer a grand gesture, you shouldn't do anything at all.  Small things are building blocks in any relationship.

"Flip your change, Dad."

The Cult of Celebrity

Today's devotional was another good one!

 

In a survey of millennials, 50% of young adults said that a major life goal was to become famous. In the past people wanted to be famous for doing something. Now, celebrity has become an end in itself. It has attained god-like characteristics. Not only do people want to be famous, they idolize those who have achieved celebrity status. This widespread interest in famous individuals has been described as ‘the cult of celebrity’.

Fame to the ambitious is like salt water to the thirsty. The more you get, the more you want. Madonna, who at one stage was probably the most famous woman on the planet, said, ‘I won’t be happy until I am as famous as God.’

 

I've written before about my dear brother, Rod, my hero.  He was never a celebrity but I was talking to someone on Sunday who still remembers him almost 28 years after his passing.  His life was brief but significant.  This reminded me of something I heard Dennis Prager say:

The vast majority of those who are famous are not significant and the vast majority of those who are significant are not famous.

The people who have had a significant impact on my life are not, and probably never will be, famous.  I may not be famous, but I pray that my life will be significant.

 

Fame is fleeting.  The list of celebrities who have committed suicide since the turn of the century is staggering.  Three of the four gospels records words of Jesus about gaining the whole world:

Matthew 16:26  "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Mark 8:36  "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
Luke 9:25  "For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?"

I like the way John Gill's Exposition of the Bible broke Matthew 16:26 down:

For what is a man profited,.... Such persons, though they are only seeking their own profit, will find themselves most sadly mistaken; for of what advantage will it be to such a man, 

 

if he shall gain the whole world; all that is precious and valuable in it; all the power, pleasures, and riches of it; if with Alexander, he had the government of the whole world, and with Solomon, all the delights of it; and was possessed with the wealth of Croesus, and Crassus,

and lose his own soul? If that should be consigned to everlasting torment and misery, be banished from the divine presence, and continually feel the gnawings of the worm of conscience that never dies, and the fierceness of the fire of God's wrath, that shall never be quenched, he will have a miserable bargain of it.

Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? Or, "for the redemption" of it. If he had the whole world to give, and would give it, it would not be a sufficient ransom for it; the redemption of an immortal soul requires a greater price than gold and silver, or any corruptible thing; nothing short of the blood and life of Christ, is a proper exchange, or ransom price for it.

Take this whole world, but give me Jesus!

When Daylight Saving Time and Pi Day Collide

I've posted several times Les' theory of how time moves more swiftly as we get older.  You can read all about it here.  In a nutshell, time appears to move more quickly as we get older because a year becomes a smaller slice of our life.

 

Today is Pi Day - celebrated on March 14th (3/14) around the world. Pi (Greek letter “π”) is the symbol used in mathematics to represent a constant — the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter — which is approximately 3.14159. Pi Day is an annual opportunity for math enthusiasts to recite the infinite digits of Pi, talk to their friends about math, and to eat pie. 

 

Today is also the beginning of Daylight Saving Time.  Most of us had the "joy" of Springing Forward, meaning we lost an hour of sleep.  Since the slices of my time pie continue to get smaller, I'm not thrilled with losing that bite!  As one article stated, "Back then, somebody in the government thought it would be an awfully good idea to give everybody jet lag … even though jets had not even been invented yet."  While I love the later sunsets, I miss the earlier sunrises!

Five years ago I posted something from a devotional about time:

We're like the fellow on the bus who refused to tell another passenger what time it was. After being asked several times, he turned his back, and the young man went on and asked someone else. At the next stop, someone who had seen the exchange scolded the man, and this was his rationale: "If I had told that young man what time it was, we would have struck up a conversation, and I probably would have liked him. Before long, he would have gotten himself invited to supper, and my beautiful daughter would have met him. The two of them would probably fall in love, and want to get married - but I don't want my daughter marrying a man who can't afford a watch!" 

The point of the devotion was getting involved, but it struck me as funny that the man went from "what time is it?" to "May I marry your daughter?" without even knowing the fellow passenger's name!  There are so many things wrong with this man's thinking.  Perhaps the young man's watch was in the repair shop.  Perhaps he had a girlfriend, or was even married.  You can't judge a book by its cover and you certainly can't judge someone based on whether they have a watch or not!

 

 

The point of all this is simple - time is precious.  We have a limited amount of time.  Psalm 90:12 says, "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."  Adam Clarke's Commentary on the Bible says, "Let us deeply consider our own frailty, and the shortness and uncertainty of life, that we may live for eternity, acquaint ourselves with thee and be at peace; that we may die in thy favor and live and reign with thee eternally."

I went searching for a quote to finish this post, it was written about my brother, Rod, in the school yearbook after he passed away.  "It's not the years in the life that count, but the life in the years. Rod was full of zeal for life and in the course of his life he gave us laughter, faith, and encouragement."  Rod lived a short 31 years, he would have turned 58 this month, but what he did with those 31 years was amazing.  He made the years count.

I don't want to spend time worrying about an hour that was lost due to a time change.  I want the hours I have to count.

Quote Me + This is Your Life

I decided to combine two writing prompts today:

 

January 4 - Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

 

January 11 - If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover.

 

First, I'm choosing a quote that is not a Bible verse. I have so many verses that I go back to, I don't know if I could choose a top five. Second, I've got two favorite quotes:

Comparison is the thief of joy

~ Theodore  Roosevelt

I can see to the corner, but God sees around the corner... don't worry.
~ Mom's Bible

Let's talk about comparison and how it steals joy.  There are many ways we compare.  We compare ourselves to others.  They have more money, they're smarter, they run faster, they sing better, they... fill in the blank.  So much time and energy is wasted when we compare.  When we compare to others, we overlook what we do have.  Especially as Americans, even in this crazy time with all the upheaval, we are so greatly blessed.  Food, water, shelter.  Things we take for granted would bring great joy to so many around the world.

We can also lose our joy when we compare ourselves to ourselves.  Now, I admit that seeing a recent picture of me that told the true story of weight gain, comparing to my thinner self is actually a motivating tool.  I also know that I have to put in the work (like I did in my 40s) if I want to make a change.  It may be slower and even harder, so I must not compare today's journey to any of the past.  It's today that matters.  That is true about every aspect of life.  It's today's journey that matters - learn from the past, both good and bad, but don't let it steal your joy.

Now on to that second prompt...

If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover. 

As soon as I read this one, I knew my answer - No, thank you!  Knowing what I know now, if I could have seen all that the past 30 years would hold, my 27 year old self would have freaked out!  30 years ago, I was blissfully engaged and ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.  I don't have a single regret about that decision, but 30 years is a lot of living.  30 years of joy and sorrow, losses and heartache, adventures and good times.  30 years that have included promotions and job losses, blessings and belt tightening.

If I had known that I would lose Rod when I was 30 and Mom was I was 34, my heart would not have been able to take it.  At the same time, if I could have known how God was going to bless me, I probably would have been less careful and possibly filled with pride.

I just want to see to the corner.  That's all I need to know.  If I could see around every corner, I would have no reason to trust God.  But He's been around every corner in my life and with each turn I have found Him to be more than enough.

I can see to the corner, but God sees around the corner... don't worry.
~ Mom's Bible

30 Days of Thanks, Day 14: Strong

I'm re-posting something I wrote in August.  The title of the post was "Strong."  I'm so thankful for my Mom's example of holding on, even when she didn't feel strong.

 

Pastor White recommended a couple of books during last Wednesday night's Bible study.  He taught about "Persecution and the People of God."  (You can listen to Part 1 and 2 here.)  The books he recommended were "Fox's Book of Martyrs" and "The Way Called Heresy."  We have both of these books but I have not been able to located "The Way Called Heresy."  

 

During my searching, I stumbled upon a book that belonged to my Mom.  It is a journal that was given to her on her 54th birthday - January 1, 1994.  All the staff from Truth Tabernacle Christian School signed it.  She was going to be off work for a few weeks because she was having knee surgery.

 

My memories of 1994 are tough.  The Northridge Earthquake happened on January 17th.  Rod's declining health and his passing on June 22nd.  Mom's cancer returned later that summer.

 

Mom's writing in this particular journal are more raw than anything else of hers that I have.  At times she wrote words of encouragement, but then she wrote how she was feeling:

 

January 6

Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

I don't feel calm today.

 

January 7

I survived the surgery.  PAIN  PAIN  PAIN  PAIN all day, all night.

 

January 8

Everything seems better in the daylight.  I feel tough again :)

 

Mother's Day weekend - went to Kathy and Les'... had a great time.

Mother's Day banquet very nice, church on Sunday A.M just for me.

June 22

I can barely read, much less type, all that she wrote on that day.  She spent the day with Rod until an ambulance came around 1:30, two hours later: "Rod is at home with the Lord.  My heart is bleeding."

Two days later she wrote about his funeral, "absolutely beautiful...  I feel the peace that passeth understanding, I know Rod is safe at home with Jesus."

The next two entries are not dated:

People say I'm strong but I don't feel strong.

 

Summer has been a blur: times of happiness with the grandkids but all tinged with my deep hurt.

I remember that summer well.  One of the things I remember the most is seeing Mom and Dad for the first time after Rod's funeral.  It seemed like they had aged a decade in about a month's time.  The blur that was the summer of 1994 didn't get better...

August 20

Time for yearly chest x-ray.

August 23

Call from nurse Lynette, changes since last year.

August 24

CAT scan

August 25

Call from Dr. Medrano

Cancer

I really don't feel strong now, but God is still in control.

August 26

Start chemo

September 7, 8, 9

Helped out at T.T.C.S.  I didn't know how much I would miss it...

That was the final entry.  Her cancer battle went on another four years.  Highs and lows, joys and sorrows.  The one thing that stood out to me was what she wrote twice, "I don't feel strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.   Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

David Guzik's Enduring Word Commentary says:

What triumph! What can the world do to such a man so firm in the grip of Jesus? God did not allow this thorn in the flesh to punish Paul, or to keep him weak for the sake of weakness. God allowed it to show a divine strength in Paul.

Think about this man Paul. Was he a weak man or a strong man? The man who traveled around the ancient world spreading the gospel of Jesus despite the fiercest persecutions, who endured shipwrecks and imprisonment, who preached to kings and slaves, who established strong churches and trained up their leaders was not a weak man. In light of his life and accomplishments, we would say that Paul was a very strong man. But he was only strong because he knew his weaknesses, and looked outside of himself for the strength of God’s grace. If we are going to live lives of such strength, we also must understand and admit our weaknesses, and look to God alone for the favor, approval and work of grace that will strengthen us for any task. It was the grace-filled Paul who said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

 

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible says:

When I feel weak; when I am subjected to trial, and nature faints and fails, then strength is imparted to me, and I am enabled to bear all. The more I am borne down with trials, the more do I feel my need of divine assistance, and the more do I feel the efficacy of divine grace. Such was the promise in Deuteronomy 33:25; “As thy days, so shall thy strength be.” So in Hebrews 11:24; “Who out of weakness were made strong.” What Christian has not experienced this, and been able to say that when he felt himself weak and felt like sinking under the accumulation of many trials, he has found his strength according to his day, and felt an arm of power supporting him? It is then that the Redeemer manifests himself in a special manner; and then that the excellency of the religion of Christ is truly seen and its power appreciated and felt.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible says:

This is a Christian paradox: when we are weak in ourselves, then we are strong in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ; when we see ourselves weak in ourselves, then we go out of ourselves to Christ, and are qualified to receive strength from him, and experience most of the supplies of divine strength and grace.

We don't always feel strong, but I think that's the way it should be.  When we feel strong because of our own strength, we are actually weak, and we're setting ourselves up for failure.  But when we find our strength in Jesus, when we are weak, His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

Strong

Pastor White recommended a couple of books during last Wednesday night's Bible study.  He taught about "Persecution and the People of God."  (You can listen to Part 1 and 2 here.)  The books he recommended were "Fox's Book of Martyrs" and "The Way Called Heresy."  We have both of these books but I have not been able to located "The Way Called Heresy."  

 

During my searching, I stumbled upon a book that belonged to my Mom.  It is a journal that was given to her on her 54th birthday - January 1, 1994.  All the staff from Truth Tabernacle Christian School signed it.  She was going to be off work for a few weeks because she was having knee surgery.

 

My memories of 1994 are tough.  The Northridge Earthquake happened on January 17th.  Rod's declining health and his passing on June 22nd.  Mom's cancer returned later that summer.

 

Mom's writing in this particular journal are more raw than anything else of hers that I have.  At times she wrote words of encouragement, but then she wrote how she was feeling:

 

January 6

Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

I don't feel calm today.

 

January 7

I survived the surgery.  PAIN  PAIN  PAIN  PAIN all day, all night.

 

January 8

Everything seems better in the daylight.  I feel tough again :)

 

Mother's Day weekend - went to Kathy and Les'... had a great time.

Mother's Day banquet very nice, church on Sunday A.M just for me.

June 22

I can barely read, much less type, all that she wrote on that day.  She spent the day with Rod until an ambulance came around 1:30, two hours later: "Rod is at home with the Lord.  My heart is bleeding."

Two days later she wrote about his funeral, "absolutely beautiful...  I feel the peace that passeth understanding, I know Rod is safe at home with Jesus."

The next two entries are not dated:

People say I'm strong but I don't feel strong.

 

Summer has been a blur: times of happiness with the grandkids but all tinged with my deep hurt.

I remember that summer well.  One of the things I remember the most is seeing Mom and Dad for the first time after Rod's funeral.  It seemed like they had aged a decade in about a month's time.  The blur that was the summer of 1994 didn't get better...

August 20

Time for yearly chest x-ray.

August 23

Call from nurse Lynette, changes since last year.

August 24

CAT scan

August 25

Call from Dr. Medrano

Cancer

I really don't feel strong now, but God is still in control.

August 26

Start chemo

September 7, 8, 9

Helped out at T.T.C.S.  I didn't know how much I would miss it...

That was the final entry.  Her cancer battle went on another four years.  Highs and lows, joys and sorrows.  The one thing that stood out to me was what she wrote twice, "I don't feel strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.   Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

David Guzik's Enduring Word Commentary says:

What triumph! What can the world do to such a man so firm in the grip of Jesus? God did not allow this thorn in the flesh to punish Paul, or to keep him weak for the sake of weakness. God allowed it to show a divine strength in Paul.

Think about this man Paul. Was he a weak man or a strong man? The man who traveled around the ancient world spreading the gospel of Jesus despite the fiercest persecutions, who endured shipwrecks and imprisonment, who preached to kings and slaves, who established strong churches and trained up their leaders was not a weak man. In light of his life and accomplishments, we would say that Paul was a very strong man. But he was only strong because he knew his weaknesses, and looked outside of himself for the strength of God’s grace. If we are going to live lives of such strength, we also must understand and admit our weaknesses, and look to God alone for the favor, approval and work of grace that will strengthen us for any task. It was the grace-filled Paul who said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

 

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible says:

When I feel weak; when I am subjected to trial, and nature faints and fails, then strength is imparted to me, and I am enabled to bear all. The more I am borne down with trials, the more do I feel my need of divine assistance, and the more do I feel the efficacy of divine grace. Such was the promise in Deuteronomy 33:25; “As thy days, so shall thy strength be.” So in Hebrews 11:24; “Who out of weakness were made strong.” What Christian has not experienced this, and been able to say that when he felt himself weak and felt like sinking under the accumulation of many trials, he has found his strength according to his day, and felt an arm of power supporting him? It is then that the Redeemer manifests himself in a special manner; and then that the excellency of the religion of Christ is truly seen and its power appreciated and felt.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible says:

This is a Christian paradox: when we are weak in ourselves, then we are strong in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ; when we see ourselves weak in ourselves, then we go out of ourselves to Christ, and are qualified to receive strength from him, and experience most of the supplies of divine strength and grace.

We don't always feel strong, but I think that's the way it should be.  When we feel strong because of our own strength, we are actually weak, and we're setting ourselves up for failure.  But when we find our strength in Jesus, when we are weak, His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

Choose Joy

One of my favorite songs lately is simply called "Joy" by For King and Country.  It's an upbeat tune that focuses on choosing joy in the midst of a trying world.  I run just a little faster, with a smile on my face, when it comes on.  The song starts with these two lines:

Lately, I've been reading, watching the nightly news

Don't seem to find the rhythm, just wanna sing the blues

I will be very honest here, I can hardly stomach reading the news.  Our world is crazy!  The realization that we are entering another presidential election time fills me with dread.  I know I need to be an informed voter, but the negativity is too much. So today I'm choosing to look at pictures that evoke memories of times that brought joy.  This little munchkin (who graduated from high school last month) jumped on her rocking horse one night and giggled and rocked as hard as she could for at least 30 minutes!

Mom's face as she held her three grand babies is one of utter joy!  She wrote about it in her grandmother's memory book "When I first became a grandmother, I felt like a Queen. I couldn't stop grinning; I got 3 grand babies in 10 weeks! Ryan, Krysten & Lauren."

 
The look on my face in this picture captures the joy I felt crossing the finish line of my first marathon.  There was a lot of pain getting to that point, but the joy I felt for finishing was worth it!

I wrote a post called "Don't Decorate Your Cell" in October 2010.  I focused on Rod, and how he lived a joyful life...

Nothing ever kept him down! He was determined that hemophilia was not going to keep him from life. Everyone who knew him saw him in pain more than once, but they also saw him singing, worshiping, participating in dramas, working in bus ministry, playing volleyball and softball. He did not decorate the prison of his diseased body.

I don't know how much pain Rod was in when this picture was taken.  My guess is he was in at least some pain.  He was obviously having trouble with his legs and required help getting around - he never just carried a crutch for attention.  But he turned his crutch into a guitar and chose joy!

If you've been singing the blues lately, I encourage you to choose joy.  Your circumstances might not change today, but keep looking up, keep choosing joy, a better day is coming!

The Superpower for the All of Us

Twenty five years ago this week Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were murdered.  I have a ton of emotions when I think about that case.  Not because of the actual murder, although it was horrible, but because it reminds me of the last conversation I had with my dear brother, Rod.  I wrote about it ten years ago:

On June 12, 1994, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were brutally murdered. Nicole's former husband, O.J. Simpson, was charged with the murders. On Friday, June 17th, instead of turning himself in, O.J. became the object of a low-speed pursuit in a white Ford Bronco SUV.

The next day, Rod and I talked about this on the phone. It seemed many were in shock that someone "so great" could commit such a horrible crime. Rod told me, "Kathy, that's why you have to be careful who you make your heroes. You can't choose athletes as heroes. They might do great things on the field, but that doesn't make them great people. True heroes are people of God."

That was the last conversation we had, as Rod passed away the following Wednesday. Those words resonate in me still. We have to be so careful whom we choose to admire.  I have thought about those words so many times through the years and was thinking about them again this week.

I believe the desire for heroes has made the superhero movie craze what it is today.  More than 100 movies have been made about men and women who defy the odds to beat the bad guys.  Many have a "superpower."  The original superhero movie came out in 1920 - The Mark of Zorro.  Zorro was simply a man with a mask, fighting the mistreatment of the peons by rich landowners and the oppressive colonial government.  Advengers: Endgame, the superhero movie playing in theaters right now has already grossed over $2.7 Billion.  People flood to watch good triumph over evil.

I read an insightful article from the New York Times written last June.  "Why Are We Obsessed with Superhero Movies?" by Mark Bowden takes a deep look at the subject.  About a third of the way into the article he talks about the Cult of Self:

If heroes are idealized humans, then today’s reflect an exaggerated Cult of Self. They are unique, supremely talented beings who transcend laws, even those of nature. Hollywood has always cherished mavericks, but these are, literally, cartoons — computer-generated.

They celebrate exceptionalism and vigilantism. The old American ideal of succeeding through cleverness, virtue and grit is absent, as is the notion of ordinary folk banding together to overcome a threat. Gone is respect for the rule of law and the importance of tradition and community. Institutions and human knowledge are useless. Religion is irrelevant. Governments are corrupt and/or inept, when not downright evil. The empowered individual is all.

Normal humans are mere bystanders, when they are not being crushed or vaporized. The average person is powerless and depends for survival on the good will of the gods.

The articles goes on to compare various superheroes to Greek and Roman mythical gods. "Superheroes just have one or more extraordinary physical traits. In comic book movies, villains just want to conquer and kill. They are not looking to slake their lust, amass great riches, build monuments to themselves, create utopian societies or engage in sadistic torments. They just want to win."

So what about the rest of us?

In the past 25 years, I've continued with Rod's sage advice in where I find my heroes.  Mine don't come from comic books, TV shows, or movies.  They don't play in stadiums or on stages.  My heroes continue to be family members, friends, preachers, teachers and missionaries.  My heroes have a superpower, it's one available to all.   Galatians 5:22-23 tells us about it, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law."  Adam Clarke's Commentary on the Bible gave an excellent breakdown of these superpowers:

Love -  An intense desire to please God, and to do good to mankind.  The very soul and spirit of all true religion; the fulfilling of the law, and what gives energy to faith itself.

Joy -  The exultation that arises from a sense of God’s mercy communicated to the soul in the pardon of its iniquities, and the prospect of that eternal glory of which it has the foretaste in the pardon of sin.

Peace -  The calm, quiet, and order, which take place in the justified soul. Peace is the first sensible fruit of the pardon of sin.

Long-suffering - Long-mindedness, bearing with the frailties and provocations of others, from the consideration that God has borne long with ours.

Gentleness - Benignity, affability; a very rare grace, often wanting in many who have a considerable share of Christian excellence. A good education and polished manners, when brought under the influence of the grace of God, will bring out this grace with great effect.

Goodness - The perpetual desire and sincere study, not only to abstain from every appearance of evil, but to do good to the bodies and souls of men to the utmost of our ability.

Faith -  here used for fidelity - punctuality in performing promises, conscientious carefulness in preserving what is committed to our trust, in restoring it to its proper owner, in transacting the business confided to us, neither betraying the secret of our friend, nor disappointing the confidence of our employer.

Meekness - Mildness, indulgence toward the weak and erring, patient suffering of injuries without feeling a spirit of revenge, an even balance of all tempers and passions, the entire opposite to anger.

Temperance - Continence, self-government, or moderation, principally with regard to sensual or animal appetites. Moderation in eating, drinking, sleeping, etc.

Against such there is no law - Those, whose lives are adorned by the above virtues, cannot be condemned by any law, for the whole purpose and design of the moral law of God is fulfilled in those who have the Spirit of God, producing in their hearts and lives the preceding fruits.

The New York Times article stated, "They are unique, supremely talented beings who transcend laws."  Those of us who exhibit the fruit of the Spirit can truly transcend laws. 

I'm still cheering when good triumphs over evil, but it's the real life good, not the Hollywood version.  Jesus showed us that on the cross - He triumphed over all.  When we live according to His Word, we have all the superpower we need.  No cape or mask required!

Repost: My Hero

I have been meaning to update this post for some time.  I originally posted it on September 22, 2008.  I used a slide show editor for my pictures that no longer works and I wanted to put these shots in the post.

Rodney coaxes her, she is practically his shadow. These two are really close, in every way."
- From My Baby book

The last few days I've been thinking of how we react to unexpected tragedies or difficulties. Whether it be the Metrolink crash or Hurricane Ike, the same response occurs. After the initial shock, the media starts reporting on how it could have been avoided or who was at fault. We humans have a hard time accepting that bad things happen, even to good people.

Going on a school field trip in a wheelchair

As I was thinking through a post on this subject, I kept thinking of Rod.

Valley Children's Hospital in Fresno some times felt like our second home.

Rodney Dean Fultz was born on March 5, 1963, just 13 months before I came along. Within the first year of his life, it was discovered that Rod was a hemophiliac or a "bleeder" as he was commonly called. In spite of many, many difficulties and hospitalizations, Rod was an overcomer. I think God gave him an extra dose of grit in place of the clotting factor found in most humans!

What a brother he was! He had an incredible wit. You never got the last word with Rod. He had a comeback for anything you threw his way. I know, because this was the source of many fights between the two of us! As we got older, he knew when he was about to push me over the edge and would say something that would just crack me up.

Kindergarten class picture with a black eye!

Hearing him sing was a powerful experience. The second verse of "I'm Just Warming Up" with the words "all my pain and sorrow, up there I will forget", could not have been sung with more power or passion by anyone else.

If anyone had the "right" to question his circumstances or try to find someone to blame, it was Rod. But I can still hear him, not many months before his death, as we spoke about all he had been through in his life. He said, "Kathy, whenever I'm tempted to question or feel sorry for myself, I just read the book of Job. I can't complain."

One of many Easter dramas he performed in.

One definition of shadow is an inseparable companion or follower. Rod's example of facing life's difficulties is one I want to follow. I knew even as a baby, he was someone I wanted to "shadow".

To my friends who knew Rod, I hope you enjoy this photo walk down memory lane as much as I did! And whenever I hear "Jingle Bell Rock" I remember the Christmas when Rod and I entertained the family, he with his "crutch guitar" and me with some fancy moves!!

So much love and laughter in this shot!

God gave him music so he could pray without words.

Repost: Crying Over Jingle Bell Rock

I have reposted this before, but Jingle Bell Rock will always hold a special place in my heart...


I believe it was Christmas 1989 when Rod and I first "performed" our version of "Jingle Bell Rock." Our version included a crutch guitar and me as an elf or something. Ryan, Krysten, and Lauren were all 2 1/2 and Christmas was a crazy, delightful time!

Fast forward to Christmas 1994. Just a few months earlier we had said goodbye to Rod, this would be our first Christmas without him. It was a Saturday and I was in one of the many malls in the San Fernando Valley. Hundreds of shoppers rushed in and out of stores. Parents and kids waited for their chance to have a picture taken with Santa.

I wasn't really thinking about Rod until "Jingle Bell Rock" started playing over the mall sound system. An overwhelming feeling of loss immediately came over me and I just started crying! Now if you know me well, you know I don't cry at the drop of a hat. Tears don't always come easy - but they flowed in the mall that day. I quickly left the mall to get away from all the Christmas cheer, shopping was done for that day.

I can look back on that day now and smile. "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me laugh again. But I know there are people who will experience that same feeling this Christmas. The loss of a loved one - grandparent, parent, spouse, sibling, child, or friend - leaves a hole that does not quickly heal.

You can find dozens of articles on dealing with grief during the holidays. A Google search brought up 2,610,000 links (I did this search again in 2018 and the number of posts is over 40 million!) My personal experience has been that the pain comes when I'm not expecting it. In years past, I've prepared myself for specific days, but it's the unexpected - a song, a smell, a change in the weather - that brings my loss to mind.

If you're experiencing a "first Christmas" this year, I pray that you will find memories that warm your heart, a special recipe or decoration to bring a smile, and the comfort of friends and family who hold you dear.

The Santa Series

I've posted these pictures of my siblings before, but they are just too funny to not show again.

Christmas 1959, Kim is about 8 months

December 1960


1961, add Rick who is about 11 months


December 1962

1963, Rod joins the mix at about 9 months


I was born in 1964 and there are no more photos with Santa! I'm guessing 3 unhappy kids was the limit for Mom. I'm sure I would have cried ~ that is one scary looking Santa.

Do you have pictures with Santa? Have you, or will you this year, be taking your kids to sit on his lap?

Repost: Giving 100 Percent

Here we are, the final few weeks of 2018.  It's so often a blur of busyness, with travel, parties, shopping, decorating, celebrations and more.  I've had the added joy of jury duty thrown in, with a trial that we hope to wrap up Tuesday afternoon.  It's also a time to start looking towards the new year and reflecting on the old.  No matter how you feel about the year, today is a good day to give 100 percent.

My latest issue of Runner's World magazine had an interesting article about the Chicago Marathon. Sammy Wanjiru was the winner in 2009, but as the 2010 race drew near his participation was in doubt. His two previous events had finished with three horrible letters - DNF (did not finish). Rumors and doubts were plenty, but as the gun went off Wanjiru was there. At the halfway point, he was in the front group, on course-record pace. By mile 23, it became a two-man race. With half a mile to go, he pulled away to the win with an overall time of 2:06:24, less than a minute slower than last years race. The sentence that stuck out to me was this:

He proved that even when you are not AT 100 percent, you can still GIVE 100 percent of what you have.

I really like that!! When you really think about it, how many days are you at 100 percent? You feel great, you're wide awake, full of energy, excited, pumped to face the day - feeling 100 percent! More days than not, life gets in the way, troubles come, sickness hits and feeling 100 percent is a distant memory. But we can still give 100 percent of what we have!

In my lifetime there is no greater example of that than my brother, Rod. I remember him singing many times, but I will never forget the time he sang sitting down. He had been very sick, his body weakened by disease. But there he was singing "I'm Gonna Lift My Voice Like a Trumpet," belting it out for all he was worth! He had few days in his lifetime that he would say he felt 100 percent, but over and over I saw him giving 100 percent of what he had.

2 Corinthians 9:7 tells us that "God loveth a cheerful giver." That is not just talking about money! The following verse says, "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work." So cheerfully give in every good work, even when you're not at 100 percent!

Suppose Ye?

My Bible reading yesterday included Luke chapter 13.  As I began this post, I decided to check my blog for anything similar and found a post from March 24, 2010 with this same title, I'm re-posting it with a few additions.

1 There were present at that season some that told him of the Galilaeans, whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.
2 And Jesus answering said unto them, Suppose ye that these Galilaeans were sinners above all the Galilaeans, because they suffered such things?
3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
4 Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem?
5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.

Suppose ye? Isn't that what we do so many times? We see someone going through a trial and suppose that it has been brought on because of some sin or other fault in their life. Job's friends were great supposers. Job called them "miserable comforters" as they spent many chapters accusing Job of sin, urging him to repent.

I wonder how often we SUPPOSE when we do not KNOW. Life is full of so many ups and downs. We don't live in the Garden of Eden, we live in a world full of sin. Bad things happen to good people. But with just a nod of the head or a lift of our eyebrow, we suppose, and place blame or pass judgment.

July 20, 2010 I posted "This is Good." Everything in my life hasn't been good, but God always works it for my good.  In that post I wrote about Les asking, "Do you ever question God about what you've been through with Rod and your Mom?" I thought about it, it's a hard question. I definitely miss Mom and Rod, many times I'll think "I wish Rod could see or hear this..." or "I wish I could talk to Mom about that..." but questioning God doesn't do me any good. I choose to trust and say "This is Good" even when it doesn't feel like it or I don't understand. Somehow, I have to trust that God has worked it for my good.

Our words during a trial can make all the difference. They can cause someone to give up completely or keep pressing on. Words spoken without knowledge can lead to irreparable damage. I've said it here many times but if you don't know what to say, the best words in the world are, "I'm praying for you."

The disciples questioned Jesus in John chapter 9:

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

What if we turned it around and thought, "Wow, they're going through a trial. God must want to manifest Himself in them." How would that change our prayers and words? How would it change our attitude when the trial is our own? When a trial hits, we could examine ourselves, and if we don't have sins that need repenting of, we can say, "Lord, I'm waiting for Your glory to be made manifest." What a difference that would make!

Let's do less supposing and more encouraging!