Dr. and Mrs. James Hughes were amazing. Dr. Hughes has been counseling couples for over 30 years and he had such practical advice for all of us. I did not have a notepad with me on Friday night, but as soon as I got home I wrote down a few points:
Strong Families build Strong Churches, not the other way around. We need to stop relying on the church to train our children and grow our marriages. It's up to us. The work happens at home.
Dr. Hughes said there are many meanings of the word "Fine" - if I can't see you, I don't know what you mean. We have become so dependent on our phones/social media, that we have stopped having face to face conversations. This leads to so many misunderstandings.
We must be adults, not children, in our marriages.
Saturday morning I remembered my notepad but my notes aren't super detailed because I was so engrossed in listening! Dr. Hughes started the session with Proverbs 24:3-4, "Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
Marriage is Valuable.
You can't abuse anything until you make it worthless. You build a vault around what is valuable. If your spouse is valuable, you will build a wall of safety around them.
Healthy families don't cover up. They allow people to make mistakes. There's a reason that there is an eraser on the end of a pencil. We all make mistakes.
Dr. Hughes pointed out that in Genesis chapter 3, Adam was probably standing right there as the serpent spoke to Eve and as she partook of the fruit (verse 6 says "she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her.") Something had happened that caused Adam to be willing for Eve to die. We have blamed Eve for the fall of man, but Adam could have stopped her. {I had never noticed this before! Several commentaries agreed that Adam was there but did nothing to stop Eve from hearing the serpent or partaking of the fruit.} Adam did not value Eve as he should have.
Part of the curse in Genesis was to Eve, "thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." This literally means the woman will try to control her husband, but he will dominate her. The New Testament church changed that - husbands are now to love their wives.
Submission is a two way street. Submission keeps me from becoming evil.
Every time Jesus talked about forgiveness it was in regards to the family.
There are nine things every human needs. Number one on the list is safety. When we feel unsafe we have two responses - fight or flight. We should feel safe in our families.
The first emotion that is developed in us is anger. It is fully developed at age 6. When we get angry, we behave like a 6 year old. Fear is fully developed by age 12. So when we become fearful we revert to acting like a 12 year old. {That paints a pretty clear picture, doesn't it?}
I'll have Part II tomorrow!
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