What We Tell Our Daughters

Headlines for months now have been filled with stories of men in power abusing women (and in some cases abusing men.)  The hashtag #MeToo has gained much attention.  Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" is the "Silence Breakers" who spoke out about the widespread abuse.  It seems once the doors opened a crack they were thrown off their hinges.

Sadly, abuse is nothing new.  We find it in the book of Genesis with the story of Dinah, the only daughter of Jacob.  There is also the story of King David's daughter, Tamar.  Matthew Henry's commentary of the story of Tamar is outstanding.  He introduced the story with this, "We have here a particular account of the abominable wickedness of Amnon in ravishing his sister, a subject not fit to be enlarged upon nor indeed to be mentioned without blushing, that ever any man should be so vile, especially that a son of David should be so.  Can he entertain the thought of betraying that virtue and honor of which, as a brother, he ought to have been the protector?" (You can read my full post about Tamar here.)

I have never personally experienced sexual harassment of any type.  I have had several male bosses but not once was I subjected to any abuse or harassment.  I do have a story about abuse that I believed formed me...

My Mom's dad passed away when I was about 18 months old.  I don't really have any memories of him.  He smoked a pipe and oddly whenever I smell pipe smoke I think of him.  All I know of him were things Mom told me about him.  He was a hard man - he worked hard, but he was also hard towards his family.  Mom told many stories of how he mistreated Grandma Luella.  His abuse included emotional and physical (including broken bones.)

Every time, without fail, that Mom would talk about Grandpa's abuse she followed it up with this:  "I told your Dad he might hit me once but I wouldn't be around for the second time."  I can't tell you how many times I heard that from her.  It was a strong statement that I believe she would have followed through on.  My Dad was never abusive so this was never actually an issue in our home.  Mom did not let the cycle of abuse continue in her life.

What we tell our daughters (and sons) makes a difference.  No one should be afraid to go to work or school or church.  But more importantly they should not be afraid to tell someone if abuse happens.  We must tell them, "don't be around for the second time."  I understand that it is not simple, but with the support of loved ones, escape is possible.